Sustainable Vessel
by gilcrust
Summary: When Clarke pulls the kill switch in the city of light with Lexa at her side she's sure that's the last time she'd ever see the love of her life; but fate had other plans. "Knowing that it's now or never, it's still me Clarke. Only the packaging is different." "I don't give a damn about the packaging Lexa, I want you." Reincarnation, AU. CLEXA
1. Fealty to you

**"So we're bound to linger on, we drink the fatal drop. Then love until we bleed, then fall apart in parts."**

 **~Until We Bleed By Kleerup Ft. Lykke Li**

(Clarke's POV)

It's a terrible sinking feeling, waking up after pulling the kill switch. The feeling of Lexa's hand over mine. Pressing it backwards, turning away from our only chance to be together. My only chance at happiness. The minutes drag on, everyone's happy reunion, everyone's but mine. There it is again, the tightening in my chest; knowing that I'll never have that again. I'll never fall into the arms of the person I love more than anything, and feel the relief of finally breathing again after a long period of holding my breath. I barely notice the needles slide from my veins or my mother removing the metal device holding open Ontari's chest.

"We'll need to make a decision, about what we're going to do with the body. Her heart's still beating but her brain is gone." Bellamy's words are lost on me, I can't make heads or tails of anything happening now. I'm no longer able to push away the crushing feeling of grief.

"We're not gonna keep her alive with a feeding tube, that's a waste of resources and time. Let's get this over with." Murphy says drawing his knife, he approaches her on my right and out of the corner of my eye I see him pause. "I thought you said she was brain dead?"

"She is." Mom nods, Kane standing right behind her. A hand resting on the small of her back, just another thing I'll have to get used to.

"Not anymore. She's saying something."

"What?" My mother rushes for her, her face falling into a frown. "I need my medical bag." Bellamy reaches for it and Mom makes quick work of finding the needle and thread to stitch up her patient on the table. "Can you hear me Ontari?" She asks, taking a moment to assess the situation. "Clarke," Mom looks over at me, "she's talking to you."

"Ontari?" I say softly, approaching her with caution. Her lips are still moving but I can't hear what she's saying so I lean in closer. My ear just a breath away from her mouth.

"Fealty to you, Klarke kom skaikru." She murmurs, barely audible.

My breath hitches in my throat.

"To treat your needs as my own...and your people as my people." She continues, there's only one person in the world who could know that.

"Lexa." Her name escapes me in a sob and her lips twitch up ever so slightly into a smile.

"I told you I'd always be with you." She confirms, it can't be...and yet it has to be.

"This is impossible." My voice cracks again.

"I have found that with my love for you all things are possible." She reaches for me, to take me into her arms and never let go.

"No baby, don't try to sit up." I feel everyone's eyes on me, but I ignore them.

"My chest-" she reaches for it but I stop her taking her hand in my own.

"Well it's been pried open for the past hour while I pumped your heart for blood so you'll probably be sore for a while." Murphy remarks.

"My soul was searching out a sustainable vessel, it appears it found one. Only reincarnation doesn't work that way. Not like a parasite, it doesn't take from another person." Now she too is trying to make sense of the situation at hand.

"Technically Ontari was brain dead." Kane offers by way of explanation.

"Her spirit had passed but her body was still..."

"A sustainable vessel." I nod.

"Where is my body?" Lexa's eyes restlessly scan the room; panic washing over her as the realization hits. Never again will she wear the face she was born with, this body is new to her, it moves different, looks different, and feels different.

"It doesn't matter," I cup her face in my hands to calm her, "all that matters is that you're here now with me. We don't need to worry about the rest of it, just keep looking at me."

"I love you too." She tells me in a tired voice, "I should have said it then, when you did but I just thought it would be easier-"

"You have the rest of your life to make it up to me." I cut her off.

"I'd like to give you a sedative," Mom says to her gently, holding up the vial for Lexa's inspection. "Just so your body doesn't work too hard, you've lost a lot of blood and your heart wasn't beating on its own for a prolonged period of time, that paired with everything else you're experiencing mentally and emotionally I don't want you going into cardiac arrest."

"Clarke." Her eyes don't leave mine, searching for approval before accepting or declining as she has done so many times before.

"That's a good idea." I nod, brushing the dark hair away from her face.

"Then don't look so worried." She replies teasingly.

"I'll be right here, the whole time." I lay a kiss on her knuckles.

"I'd expect nothing less." She slurs as my mother plunges the needle into her neck and releases the medicine into her blood stream. Her dark eyes fall shut and her grip on my hand falls away. I place it beside her still body and it feels so horribly familiar, sitting aside of her, crying, desperate for her to wake up. Only now I knew that in time she would.

"Sweetheart you should rest." My mother insists.

"I'm not leaving her." I argue.

"Clarke I will take care of her, I swear to you, there's nothing to worry about. If anything changes or she wakes up I'll come get you." She thumbs away the tears that fall onto my cheeks.

"Reshop Heda." I murmur, giving her forehead a chaste kiss. I leave the room for the commander's chamber, throwing the blood soaked fur onto the floor and clambering under the top sheet. I take a deep breath, allowing my eyes to close finally realizing how tired I am. Sleep claims me, pulling me deep into a dreamless slumber.

(Lexa's POV)

I startle awake, my heart pounding painfully within the confines of my chest. I try to push myself into a sitting position but end up falling onto my back again with a cry of pain.

"Woah, Lexa calm down. You have stitches we don't want them to reopen." Abby rushes over to me, her fingers running over my bandages, checking for new injuries.

"Clarke," I ask softly, swallowing against the dryness in my throat.

"In your room, sleeping. I convinced her sitting here waiting for you to wake up was doing more harm than good." She smiles kindly.

"Thank you."

"Of course." The doctor nods, "how are you feeling?"

"Thirsty."

"And your chest?"

"Hurts." I reply simply.

"I can give you something to take the edge off but I expect you'll be recovering for at least a month if not more. I'm going to help you sit up and give you some water and a muscle relaxer."

"Ok." I grit my teeth, my torso burning like an inferno as I'm sat upright. I bring the cup to my lips, gulping down the water. It's the best thing I've ever tasted; I take the pills next hoping they take action quickly. "I'd like to see her."

"Lean on me, lets see if we can get you up. If you feel you're going to faint let me know."

I rest my arm around her shoulder, using her to support my weight. It takes everything in me to put one foot in front of the other, but I do; over and over, step by step until my fingers grasp the door handle of my bed room. Dr. Griffin helps me onto the bed and I practically fall down aside of Clarke, panting like I've run for miles.

"Try to get some sleep." She tells me, pulling the covers up around me.

"I will."

* * *

The morning comes, basking the room in light and illuminating Clarke's peaceful face. Blonde hair falling softly around her like a halo. Almost as if it were a reflex I brush the strands over her shoulder, giving me a better view of the most beautiful woman in the world. Plush pink lips curving up into a lazy grin as she begins to stir.

"Hi," she greets me in a whisper, voice rough with sleep.

"Good morning Clarke." I know I don't have to say her name, she is after all the only one here but it feels nice to say anyway. A name that holds more meaning to me than any other ever has. The name that has made my heart soar to the highest high and sink to the lowest low. She worms her way over to me, so that her nose brushes against my own and my breath is hers. Still her sky blue eyes are closed, perhaps she's not ready to see me yet; not like this.

"Second chances are hard, you're still living with all the heartache and fear of the first failure, worried that it might repeat itself and leave you even more broken inside...but second chances are rare and when given the chance you jump in with both feet. Knowing that it's now or never, it's still me Clarke. Only the packaging is different." I realize there is a very real possibility that she will not want this, that the situation is too odd to fathom.

"I don't give a damn about the packaging Lexa," she says with fierce determination her eyes opening to finally meet mine. "I want you."

I search her face, finding no uncertainty there; just love. My heart swells, aching in a way only she can soothe; and she does, leaning in to shower my face with gentle kisses before her mouth lands on mine. Careful at first, as if to test the waters and then not careful at all. Our lips crashing together in waves, a desperate exchange of lips and tongues.

"I love you Lexa," she murmurs, never breaking our kiss. "I love you." She repeats as if the first time wasn't enough.

"I love you too, I always have and I always will." I admit, sinking deeper into my feelings, sinking deeper into her. A place where I felt like I could never love her any more...yet somehow I did.

"We should get up soon, return the flame to you. Start working things out with Arkadia. Get things back to normal." Clarke never ceases to amaze me.

"Is that what you want? For me to be commander again?" I wonder. Being Heda caused so much regret and heartache between us. Why would she want that again?

"That's who you are Lexa."

"That's who I was, I have a choice now; we have a choice. Maybe this is the time for us to be selfish, the time where we owe nothing more to our people." I whisper because it feels almost wrong to even think let alone say aloud.

"If you don't want to be commander I'd never force it on you."

"But?" I encourage her to continue.

"But our people need you. And I need you, to finish what we started. To teach them a new way, show them that blood must not have blood." Our legacy will be peace.

"If that is what you wish Clarke, consider it done." I stretch my arms carefully until I can run my fingertips along the swell of her hips.

"What about you? What do you want?" She asks.

"You, that's all. No more, no less."

"You have me either way." Clarke assures me, melting away all the tension inside me.

I stroke my index finger over the place where her eyebrows pull together watching them relax beneath my touch. "Tonight then, we'll perform the ascension ceremony. There's a lot to be done around Polis, I don't understand how things can be so different after only a few days."

"Ontari...she wanted everyone to know there was a new commander." She swallows hard, struggling to keep the unpleasant memories at bay.

"Well then, today will be the day we let everyone know that I have returned."


	2. Leksa Kom Trikru

**"I don't care if I sing off key, I found myself and my melodies. I sing for love, I sing for me. I shout it loud like a bird set free."**

 **-Sia, Bird Set Free**

(Lexa's POV)

"My mother left some fresh bandages and another dose of pain killers, your healer brought this." She holds up the herbal mixture, bringing it to her nose. "Which smells terrible." She adds, her face crinkling up adorably.

"The more potent the scent the better it will work." I chuckle at her.

"Let me change them for you. Take off your shirt and lie back." Clarke commands, moving to gather the materials off the side table.

"How very forward of you Clarke." I smirk, following her instructions. The silken sheets caressing the skin of my bare back, my nipples pebbling in the crisp morning air.

When she turns to face me again her cheeks are slightly flushed, her eyes trained on my own almost as if she's afraid to look anywhere but. "So uh have you given any thought about what you're going to tell our people?"

"Briefly yes, I'm not trying to hide anything. So I will tell them what has happened, of course there will be questions and I'll do my best to answer but clearly there are many things about this that I myself still don't understand." I tell her, still relishing the way she has referred to them as our people. As she leans over me, peeling off my bandages her sky blue eyes well with tears. "If this upsets you Hodnes I can do it myself." I place my hands over her to still them.

"No," she shakes her blonde head, "it's not that."

"Then what?" I wonder.

"I just...god I missed you Lexa. I missed you so much." She voice catching in her throat.

"I didn't want to leave you," I tell her, but of course she already knows that. "But I knew I could, because you're strong and smart and the world has so much to offer you, but you have even more to offer it in return."

"I wasn't strong enough," she argues, "not for that."

"In peace I left the shore, in love I found the next, with safe passage on my travels, on our final journey on the ground...we met again." I change the worlds slightly so it is no longer the end of a story, but the beginning of a new one.

"You remember that?"

"Because of you Clarke I left this world knowing nothing but love. At the very end, when I could no longer feel the pain, my vision began to tunnel, no matter how hard I tired I couldn't force enough air into my lungs and there was only you. The sound of your voice, lulling me to sleep for the very last time." I brush my thumb over her cheek, feeling the wetness of her tears, wanting nothing more than to take them away.

"Please don't ever make me do that again." She moves forward, her face pressed into my neck as she lies atop of me, mindful of my injuries. I kiss the side of her head, any part of her I can reach. My fingers tangling in her soft hair, caressing her scalp light with my nails, my other hand wrapped around her waist keeping her close.

"I'll do my best." That's all I can do. I can't promise her I will never die just as she can't promise me, but I can promise to try my damnedest not to. "Ai hod yu in, Klarke kom skaikru."

"Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom trikru en skaikru." She pulls back slightly so that her lips hover over mine.

I crane my neck upward, seeking out her mouth, my hand moving down to her hip to press against the skin there, pulling her closer to me. Clarke let's out a strangled moan, her leg coming over to straddle my waist. Blue nightgown rising up her thighs as she goes, I run my fingers over the smooth skin there greedily. Last time Clarke and I made love it was a goodbye, not knowing if or when I'd see her again. This time however will be a hello, a greeting to our new lives together where I know that she is mine and I am hers. A life where making love doesn't have to be rushed, where the looming fear of losing her does not exist. I trail my lips down the column of her lean neck, nipping and sucking on the skin there until her breath quickens. Full hips canting against my own, her hands tangled in my hair, I cup her backside drawing her closer. Dragging the material of her gown over her waist, up her stomach and breasts, pushing it past her shoulders and off onto the floor leaving her in only her panties. She sits back on her heels, her eyes raking over me intently, committing every new detail to memory. Her gaze falling to my chest, after a moment she cups my breasts, testing their weight, my nipples straining against her palms. "Mmm," I hum at her ministrations, letting her have her way with me.

"You're still so beautiful baby." She whispers sweetly, the foreign term of endearment that makes my heart pound in excitement. She sinks lower to take my harden peaks into her mouth, first the right, then the left, taking her time with each until I'm panting and needy under her touch.

Her lips make their way down to my stomach, placing open mouthed kisses along the plains of my abdomen as she rids me of my pants and under garments, tongue swirling around my navel. Then lower and lower until she- "oohh," I groan as her fingers part my folds, her breath fanning over my most intimate area. Then her mouth is on me, flicking my bundle of nerves with practiced strokes. Oh Clarke, oh sweetheart, oh baby, I throw my head back into the pillows, fingers gripping the sheets until my knuckles are white. I feel her press against my opening, circling, teasing me.

"Please Klarke, please." I feel her smirk against me before slipping a single digit inside, loving me so slowly, so sweetly it makes my heart ache. I reach for her hair, pushing it away from her face so I can watch her. Her eyes closed intently, the sight of her between my legs alone almost sending me over the edge. A second finger joins the first and she begins curling them upward, hitting that spot inside of me that makes my back arch off the bed and my hips sputter wildly. Her free hand comes to rest on my lower belly, thumb stroking over the skin there tenderly but when I twist my hips a second time that same hand pressed me back down into the bed; forcing me to endure her delicious torture. The coil in my lower stomach tightening to the point of near pain before I explode, pulsing around Clarke's soft fingers again and again. Her mouth working me over as I come down from my high, placing a final kiss on my clit before making her way up to lie next to me; clearly satisfied with her work. I roll her onto her back, my lips sealed over hers, reaching between us I cup her sex, feeling the wetness that's gathered there. "The gods took their time making you Clarke. You're the most beautiful thing I've seen in all my years, you fill my heart with love and my days with an abundance of joy." I tell her quietly before wrapping my lips around her left nipple and she cries out. I will never love anything more than you, I spell out with my kisses. My only desire in life is to please you, I write out with my tongue. And from the moment I first laid eyes on you...I knew.

(Clarke's POV)

I stand behind her at the vanity, my finger weaving the delicate patterns and braids into her hair, the way she's worn it since the first time I saw her. It's a little more complicated to replicate with her hair being shorter and not as textured. She was very different and yet not different at all. It wasn't her features that were familiar, but her mannerisms. The way she looks at me, the way she smiles, like she doesn't mean to but can't stop herself. It's the way she scowls when she is troubled, the way her arms find their way around me when she's sound asleep, and the way she makes love to me so thoroughly that when it's over and I'm boneless staring up at what used to be Ontari's face all I can see is Lexa. "Sorry it's taking so long, I can't get the bottom right."

"It takes as long as it takes Clarke," she replies patiently. Her eyes finding my reflection in the mirror with nothing but love, when she turns them back on her own that's when I notice it. She looks so lost, lost within her own body, not recognizing the person staring back.

"Lexa..." I want to help, to say the right thing, to say something, but I don't even know where to begin. "Lexa-" I try again but to no avail.

"Yes?" She laughs.

"I just wanted you to know that it's ok. Everything that happened, everything that's going on; it's ok. You can talk to me, you don't have to but if you want to; I'm here. I'll listen."

"This is so easy for you. How? From the second I woke up you never questioned it, you never hesitated, not once; how can you do that?" Lexa frowns.

"Because you're still you Lexa, I see that. But you're not ready to see it, you will be, just not yet. One day you're gonna wake up and look into this mirror and know that you're looking at yourself. Not at a stranger, not at Ontari, but at you."

"What she did to my people, what she did to my natblida-" she seethes through gritted teeth.

"I know, but that wasn't you." I reason.

"I just don't understand why it had to be this body. Out of any vessel in the world my spirit had to chose one that I hate." Her hands fly to her temples, rubbing them roughly, brown eyes screwed shut.

"Because this body is the only one that can accept the flame, your spirit did chose wisely." I kneel down beside her, smoothing my hands over the tense muscles in her back. "This is your body now Lexa. All those terrible things it did, all the things it would have done, this is your chance to use it to do some good."

There's a knock at the door effectively popping the little bubble we created in which only Lexa and I exist.

"You better get that." She nods toward the sound.

"What makes you think it's for me?"

"My people know better than to disturb me when we're alone unless it is of the upmost importance."

"It's Abby," my mother announces, proving Lexa right, "I just wanted to check in and see how Lexa's feeling."

"See," Lexa grins, "I told you so."

(Lexa's POV)

My second ascension is much faster than I remember, namely because they was no conclave. No one else to contend with me, Ontari made sure of that. I clear my throat, moving from the throne to stand in front of it. "Ambassadors of the thirteen clans, I've asked you here to solidify the bonds of our coalition. Tonight we celebrate the promise of a new future. Tomorrow we cleanse the pain of the past, we set ourselves free, we restore our beloved capital to its former state of beauty, we chose a new beginning. For our loved ones, for our children, for those we have lost, we chose it most importantly for ourselves. Ai laik Leksa kom trikru, serving as your commander for these past years is an honor that will be surpassed only by our years yet to come." My next words catch in my throat when one by one they begin to kneel before me, accepting me not only because it was their duty but because they wanted to. Because they believe in me. This is it. I steal a glance at Clarke, bowing with the other ambassadors. We did it love.

"I'm glad to have you back commander." Indra says when it is over. The room is quiet as the last of our guests trickle out of the throne room.

"I'm glad to be here." I admit.

(A/N: Translations

Hodnes=Love

Ai hod yu in Klarke kom skaikru = I love you Clarke of the sky people.

Ai hod yu in Leksa kom trikru en skaikru = I love you Lexa of the tree people and the sky people.

Natblida = night bloods

Ai laik Leksa kom trikru = I am Lexa of the tree people.)


	3. The Commander Of Death

**"Give me love and all your hate, tell me lies in fifty shades. Lay me down for a while, get lost in the gray."**

 **~50 Shades by Boy Epic**

(Clarke's POV)

There I am, pushing my way to the middle of the dark room, the shrill sound of the victory horn still ringing in my ears.

"What's going on?" I turn to Roan on my right.

"Shh," is all he offers in return.

"What's the meaning of this?" Titus demands, approaching the throne occupied by Ontari's silhouette. So proud and sure of herself, completely covered in blood.

For her amusement she holds up Aden's head before rolling it onto the floor in front of Titus. "I win." She says ruthlessly, feeling absolutely no remorse.

* * *

My eyes shoot open and there she is staring back at me. I flinch away, clambering to my feet on the floor. She moves with me, tossing back the blankets and standing on the opposite side of the bed.

Oh no. "Lexa...I'm sorry. I had a nightmare. I know that sounds stupid but-"

"For us to just pretend like everything could go back to the way it was, that was stupid. However this makes all the sense in the world." She brushes past me, stepping through the curtains and onto the balcony.

"Please just let me explain." I follow her out into the crisp night air.

"I seen the look on your face, there's nothing to explain," she swallows.

"It was just a dream it doesn't mean anything." I argue, How was I looking at her? Like I hated her, like I was terrified of her, like I wanted her dead.

"This isn't going to work, I see that now." She replies, staring down at the buildings below her.

"No, it will work. It is working." I reach for her hand, my pinkie brushing over hers before she pulls away.

"Even if things had gone different with Titus how long do you really think we would have been able to stay together before war and politics tore us apart? It was never going to be forever Clarke."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, love like that burns too bright, sucking all the oxygen out of the room until everyone inside suffocates. I don't want that for you, I don't want to kill you slowly."

"That's bullshit and you know it. You're scared so you're pushing me away-"

"I'm trapped in this body for the rest of my life, having to live within it knowing all the terrible things it's done; of course I'm scared!" Lexa cuts me off, her composure tearing at the seams.

"We can fix this. You and I, we can make it together," I pause, grabbing her attention, "but we can only make it together."

"I know you're just trying to help but you can't fix this Clarke. You can't just make it go away by lying to me." Her jaw ticks in frustration.

"You're right. It was wrong of me to say everything is ok when it's not but it can be. I'm not brushing over the fact that Ontari was an evil bitch. I'm not ignoring the fact that I miss you the way you were but you don't have to do this on your own." I was only lying to protect you, I want to tell her, because I love you. Whoever, what ever you are, I still love you. That part has never been a lie.

"Just because I'm stuck does not mean you have to be." She says softly, her words almost getting lost in the sound of the wind.

"I want to be with you," what part of that is unclear to her? "Do you want to be with me?"

"You know I do." She admits in defeat.

"Then I'm not stuck, neither are you. It will get better, trust me."

"I do trust you Clarke." Lexa breathes, her dark eyes still unreadable. Giving me no indication of what she's thinking.

"Come back to bed." I insist.

"After a while," she nods, "you go on."

I sigh, knowing she needs space. Lexa is a private person, in times of trouble she likes to be alone. I wrap my arms around her waist from behind, resting my chin on her shoulder. "You're not stuck baby," I murmur into her hair, "you're not."

She presses a lingering kiss to my cheek, "goodnight."

I can still feel the warmth of her lips on my skin as I crawl back beneath the furs. Pulling them up around my shoulders, I'm not sure how long I lay there staring at the curtains that separate us, only her shadow visible. She paces and paces, and then she sits; cradling her head in her hands. I will fix you.

.

.

.

I wake to the sound of a soft knocking at the door. The first thing I notice is that I'm alone, I run my hands over my eyes. Pulling myself to my feet, making my way to the balcony, "Lexa?" I call out softly before popping my head out but she's not there either. She's just gone. The wrapping at the door comes again, only harder this time. "Coming." I say in hopes of shutting them up. When I open the door it's the last person I expect to see standing there. "Bellamy what are you doing here?"

"Indra came to me this morning, told me Octavia was leaving. Did you know about this?" He keeps his voice low.

"Octavia and I haven't spoken since the city of light went down." I feel my eyebrows pull together.

"I tried to talk her out of it, but she's not exactly my biggest fan right now. I thought maybe you could give it a try."

"I'm sure it's very painful for her to be here." I understand what that feels like...after Lexa all I wanted to do was run.

"She's not herself Clarke, she can't be out there like this. Please, I'm not asking for me. I'm asking for Octavia." He pleads his case. The truth is I don't hate him, after everything I realize that would be pointless. He made a lot of mistakes but when it came down to it he was there for me. For all of us.

"I'll talk to her," I agree, "but after that if she still wants to go you can't stop her. I know you love her but keeping her pinned down will only make it worse."

He nods, "thank you."

"You're welcome." I give his hand a squeeze before letting the door fall shut and changing out of my night clothes. I find Octavia outside, gathering food and supplies from one of the market carts. When she realizes I'm headed for her she dips behind one of the other members of the crowd. "Octavia wait," I call out to her, "please wait."

I can practically feel her eyes rolling as she reluctantly turns to face me. "If you're here to give me a lecture about my recent bad behavior you can shove it. Bellamy and your mother already beat you to it. But don't worry, I'm leaving. I'll be out of your hair soon enough." I know what she's referring to, killing Pike. But as far as I'm concerned it wasn't bad behavior at all.

"Actually I'm here to apologize." I close the space between us, villagers moving around us, keeping a careful distance. "I'm sorry about Lincoln."

"You're sorry?" She scoffs, "now you're sorry, but when everything was going on, when you could have actually done something to make a difference you just sat back and watched it play out. You didn't do shit." Her tone is clipped and unforgiving.

"I did do something." I reply calmly.

"Fucking Lexa doesn't count." She says loud enough for anyone passing by to hear.

"What Pike did wasn't my fault, do you understand that? I had no control over what was going on inside of Arkadia. The only thing I had control over was trying to convince Lexa not to wipe out all of our people, the blockade was a good plan. It would have held and our people would have been safe inside including Lincoln. Everything else was out of my hands, I did everything I could."

"Yeah, you always do don't you? But that's not good enough, it never is. You couldn't save Maya or the other innocent people inside Mount Weather, you couldn't save Finn, you couldn't save Lincoln. You couldn't even save your precious commander. They all died, either for you or because of you. That's who you are." She's not wrong, that's who I am. The commander of death.

"So you think this is what Lincoln would have wanted for you?" I grab her arm when she tries to move away.

"Shut up! Don't you dare talk about him again. You sit around here moping about how miserably unfair your life is when you have everything you want." Her eyes are ice cold.

"No, I don't."

"News flash princess, Lexa is here. She's still here, you've got her and your mother and the entire world kissing the ground you walk on. What do I have?" She throws her hands up in defeat, "Lincoln's dead, my mom got floated just for having me, I can't even look at my own brother, and everyone is questioning every move I make. So do you want to switch? Walk a mile in my shoes and you'll be begging for you life back."

"Just because Lexa's here doesn't mean that everything is perfect. Imagine if Lincoln came back in Pike's body. Imagine the person you love trapped inside a person you hate. Imagine when you wake up from a nightmare about Pike pulling that trigger and Lincoln falling to the ground. Imagine feeling all of that hate boiling inside you and then waking up to Pike. You look at him with that same hatred, that's when you remember that it's not Pike. It's Lincoln but you can't take that moment back no matter how much you love Lincoln, he still seen the look on your face and it hurts him. It hurts him so much and hurting him hurts you and there's no way out. You think I don't understand pain but I do. You think I don't suffer but I do." I wish she could just understand that I'm only trying to help. That's all I've ever wanted to do.

"I'd make it work." She mulls this over for a moment. "I don't care if I had to claw my own eyes out, Lincoln and I would always make it work. So suck it up and find a way to be happy for all of us who can't."

"I will." I nod, blinking back the tears that threaten to spill over. I'm so sorry Octavia, sorry that you lost him, sorry that you're in pain, sorry that my best isn't good enough.

"I guess this is goodbye." She holds her arm out to me in a farewell. I place my hand on her forearm as her own fingers rest near my elbow.

"Where will you go?" I wonder.

"I don't know." She admits, "away from here, far, far away."

"You always have a place here, when you want it, when you're ready. You can always come home to your people." It's an offer that falls on deaf ears. But when she's had time to heal I hope she remembers this moment. Remembers that it's never too late.

"Lincoln was my people." Octavia replies simply.

"You have to find a way too, a way to be happy. While you're out there, wherever you go, be happy."

She smiles sadly, tracing her fingers over the hilt of her sword. "I'll try.

I don't have to tell Bellamy what happened. That I talked to her, that it didn't matter if I said the right thing or not because her mind was made up and she was gone. He can see it on my face. Numbly I walk away from him, leaving him to his feelings because there's nothing I can do. I can't save the world, I can't stop the black rain from falling or the radiation that will spread. I can't unbreak Octavia's heart, I can't spare Bellamy's feelings, I can't raise Lincoln from the dead. I can't take back what Ontari did and I couldn't stop Titus from killing Lexa. Suddenly it all presses down on me until I can hardly breathe and I run, as fast as my legs will carry me. Before I even realize where I'm going, I stumble through the door of the council room.

"Clarke?" Lexa looks up from her maps at me. The other occupants of the room following suit.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." I try to retreat but she knows me, she knows that something is wrong. I shouldn't be here, I don't even know why I am here.

She squares her shoulders, "leave us," she instructs the others. "Are you hurt?"

I shake my head, unable to form words.

"Are you alright?" She asks giving me a head to toe once over with her worried eyes.

"No," Then suddenly without preamble I'm crying. The kind of ugly crying that radiates out from the core of my being. "I'm sorry Lexa." For a moment I'm sinking, falling hopelessly to the bottom.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." She rushes toward me, taking me into her arms and holding me there.

And then I'm weightless, floating ontop of that same water which threatened to drag me under, that's what Lexa's love feels like.


	4. Zero G

**"Still I'm pinned under the weight of what I believed would keep me safe. So show me where my armor ends. Show me where my skin begins.** "

 **~Pluto by Sleeping at Last**

(Lexa's POV)

The sheets crinkle beneath me as I adjust my legs to a more comfortable position. "What on earth?" I grumble as something sharp drags against my hip, reaching for the offensive object, to discard it across the room. I soon realize it's Clarke's drawing charcoal so I settle for placing it on the side table instead, dipping back down for the paper under my back.

It's slightly smudged from being slept on but beautiful none the less, reminding me so much of the portrait she'd drawn during my nap, when the Commanders before me foreshadowed my death at the hands of an assassin. I push the unpleasant memories to the back of my mind, letting my eyes flutter freely about the page. It's me, as I am now, straight hair fanning out around my face. Scars adorning my skin, I close my eyes, tracing my fingers over them. The rhombus sitting low on my forehead, the patterns of raised skin on my right cheek, so different from the left and my chin. They don't do Clarke's drawing justice, here on paper they are beautiful, something to be cherished.

The subtle slope of my nose over parted lips, long dark lashes casting shadows over my cheeks. The image tappers off around the shoulders, the swell of my breasts only visible near the top. This is how Clarke sees me, I run my fingertips over the careful lines, before sneaking a glance at her. Soft hands stained by her drawing material, some of it even transferred to her nose as if she dosed off before she could finish her masterpiece. I set the paper aside with her charcoal and settle back under the covers. Not quite ready to begin the day, I nuzzle against the pillow case. I feel her begin to stir behind me, cradling every facet of her body to mine. An act her people call spooning, they are so strange in their terminology. Her full lips press against the skin at the base of my neck.

"G'morning," she slurs lazily.

"Good morning Clarke," I toy with the fingers on her hand wrapped around me. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mhm." She yawns, "I could get used to this, waking up to you every morning."

"No nightmares?" I ask, trying to keep the anxious tone from my voice.

"Uh uh." Clarke shakes her head, blonde hair ticking my skin in feather light caresses.

"I'm glad." I sigh in relief.

"Me too."

"I see you fell asleep with this in hand." I reach over to the bedside table, holding the paper and pencil out to her.

"It's not finished. Why did you crumple it up?" She takes the items in question from me.

"It was in bed with us, you're aware I am a rather restless sleeper."

"That's putting it mildly."

"I assure you it was unintentional. I love your drawings Clarke, you're very talented in all you do."

"Thank you." I hear the smile in her voice.

"Would you like to join me for my morning meal before our meetings?" I offer, knowing we won't have much privacy once we leave the room for the day.

"I'd like to have you for breakfast." She replies playfully, squeezing my breast in her hand.

I can't help but laugh as I roll onto my back to see her properly. "Surely you've had your fill of me by now." I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. She catches my wrist, trailing kisses up from my palm to the crook of my elbow, along my bicep to my shoulder, exaggerating the sound of each peck. "Clarke," I grin, shaking my head at her.

"I'll never have enough of you Lexa." She pulls away the sheets, the only thing shielding me from her hungry gaze. My body still bare from the night before, I shutter when the cool air hits me. She blankets my skin with her own, coming to rest between my thighs, every inch of her flush against me. My hands find her hips, trying to maintain some sort of coherent thought. "I'm always gonna want you this much, I'm always going to need you this much, and no matter how many times I have you," she pauses, her sweet breath fanning across my face, "it will never be enough."

I can barely breathe just like the first time we were together so intimately. The time when she kissed me and I shook like a leaf, I want to reciprocate with something equally meaningful but there are no words. No phrase in the entire world that could accurately express the depth of my love of you. No sentence that could string together the adoration and respect that I feel for you. "That's why I-" I attempt to respond anyway but she cuts me off. Sealing her mouth over mine to stop me; because she already knows. It wasn't immediate for Clarke as it was for me, her love was hard fought and sorely won. Every rejection, every sleepless night, every heart ache, was worth it and ten time over, just to share this moment with you.

(Raven's POV)

"This is incredible," I breathe, taking in the market place at the entrance of Polis. For the most part the buildings are huts, one or two stories at most but there's one building at the center that appears to scrape the sky.

"Well they don't call it the capital for nothing," Kane smiles, leading us through the bustling crowd of villagers around us.

"Can't say I blame Clarke for ditching Arkadia for this place." Kyle says from behind me, reaching for my hand to link our fingers together.

"I didn't ditch Arkadia." The familiar from our right draws our attention. It's Clarke, her long blonde hair held out of her face in an arrangement of braids.

"Looking more and more like a grounder by the day." I pull her in for a hug.

"Nice to see you too Raven." She rolls her eyes as we separate. "Hello Wick. How've you been? I'm sure this one has been keeping you on your toes." Clarke nods toward me.

"Never a dull moment." Kyle smiles down at me and it's contagious. I feel the corners of my mouth turn up.

"The Commander sends her best, unfortunately she's very busy and won't be able to welcome you herself. But you'll see her later today at the summit with the other delegates of the thirteen clans." She informs us in a brisk tone. Frigid much?

"Gosh stop being so uptight Clarke it's just us, and we promise not to tell anyone if you refer to her as Lexa." I lean in close like it's a secret.

"What Raven meant to say is it's an honor to be here." Wick cuts me off. "She's not so good at politics." He winks. "Just one quick note, if you're the welcoming committee you might want to consider an approach that makes your guests feel...welcome? But like I said it's just a suggestion."

Clarke smiles, "come on, I'll show you around." She waves for us to follow her. "Have you eaten?"

"Not since we left this morning, no." I answer, fighting to keep up with her pace. Even though Wick and I rode in on horses my hip is still throwing a hissy fit.

"Well for what I lack in welcoming abilities I make up for with my knowledge of where to get the best food in all of Polis." She leads us to the cart a few feet up, sending smoke up from the grill.

"Mmm, that's smells like heaven." I sigh, taking another deep whiff of whatever the woman is cooking.

Clarke speaks to the woman in grounder, which I don't even pretend to understand. The brunette woman smiles, passing her three of the pink slimey looking things.

"This is..." I trail off, searching for a world to describe the goo I'm picking at.

"You'll like it trust me. I made the same face the first time Lexa had me try one. Close your eyes and take a bite." Clarke encourages.

"Kyle you first." I insist, turning to him.

"Don't be a baby Reyes, Clarke wouldn't let us come all this way to kill us now." He brings the item in question to his lips and takes what can only be described as the smallest bite ever known to man.

"Well?" I arch an eyebrow, to my surprise he leans in for another bite.

"It's good G, really good." He mumbles around the mouth full of food.

"Like salty or sweet or-" Wick cuts me off shoving it into my mouth. I chew experimentally, it's amazing.

"G?" Clarke asks, confused by the nickname.

"As in zero g mechanic," I explain, "cute huh?"

"You guys make me sick." Clarke crosses her arms over her chest.

"All in a days work." Kyle retorts with a grin.

"Grab your stuff, I'll show you to your room."

* * *

"Ooolala, the honeymoon suite." I say when the door clicks shut behind us. I run my fingers over the lavish duvet.

"Everything you need should be here but if not there's handmaids that will check in. Bring you fresh towels and change the sheets, things like that. If you want to take a bath they'll prepare it for you, but we're two floors up if you need anything. The guards know to give you access to the commander's quarters. Any questions?" Clarke asks.

"Not off the top of my head." I shrug. "You good Wick?"

"Yep."

"I'll see you in a couple hours then, for the meeting." With that she's gone.

"'We're two floors up,'" Kyle repeats Clarke's words once she's out of ear shot. "Sounds like things are pretty serious."

"They grow up so fast," I place a hand over my heart dramatically.

"You know Abby still thinks she might leave with us, I heard her talking to Kane about it."

"That is between Clarke and Abby." I sit down on the bed, unstrapping my brace and setting it aside. Rubbing my fingers over the sore muscles in my hip.

"You ok? We brought some pain killers I'm sure-"

"Kyle," I sigh, "I'm fine. It's just because of the horse, it'll go away in a day or two. Nothing to worry about."

"Well if you're not going to let me give you meds you're gonna have to at least let me take over this pathetic attempt at a message." He plops down beside me, his strong hands working over my skin through the fabric of my pants.

"Mmm," I hum, "you're good at this."

"What can I say, I've got magic fingers." His hands sneak around to my ass.

"Are you putting the moves on me?" I slap him away in mock horror.

"Maybe." He smirks, blue eyes dancing with humor.

"I'm scandalized." I sigh as his lips find the sweet spot behind my ear.

"Not yet, but you will be." He counters, pinning my hands up above my head and lacing our fingers together.

(Clarke's POV)

"At this time our biggest concern is the black rain, our main focus needs to be gathering and storing as much water as we can to get us through until we find a suitable filtration system. The rest we just have to take as it comes. Luckily we have the respectable Doctor Griffin who will help ease any pain and discomfort with the help of our healers and herbal remedies. But the radiation is coming, there's nothing we can do to stop it. This is a battle that cannot be fought with weapons, it is a test of will. A test for which we must all prepare ourselves." Lexa speaks in her detached tone, reminding me that the frigid and calculated commander still resides inside her.

"We're expected to drop everything and chase water droplets based on words spoken to a member of Skaikru? What proof do we have that anything she's said is even true?" The representative of the boat clan interjects.

"Questioning Wanheda is questioning me." Lexa glares at him, "Do you dare question your commander?"

"No Heda, I meant no disrespect." He tries to amend his statement but she's having none of it.

"Yes, you did and it will not be tolerated." She snaps, "Clarke and I were in the city of light together, I heard every word. Our future is certain. You're either part of the problem or part of the solution, the choice is yours."

He nods wordless, taking a step back.

"Anyone else who wishes to speak, the floor is yours." Lexa offers, stealing a glance at me but I shake my head. There's nothing more to say.

"Actually um," Mom raises her hand awkwardly, "I do have something."

"By all means." Lexa redirects her attention.

"There has been one reported case of precancerous lesions, one of our people from Arkadia, we've sealed him in a containment tank to try and prevent the lesions from spreading. So far this treatment has been mildly effective, the sooner the illness is detected and treated the greater the chance of survival. I encourage all of you to seek help immediately if you experience any changes on the surface of your skin." Mom informs us. Kane beside her, rubbing at his chin, deep in thought.

"Thank you, Doctor Griffin. If that is everything I invite you all to join us in the grand hall for the feast and reception." Lexa says in closing. Her meetings don't run terribly long, keeping things precise and to the point. The room clears slowly until only the two of us are left.

"Do you have a minute? I need to ask a question, it's been bothering me all day," I catch her before she can follow suit.

"Have I done something?" Her mouth falls ever so slightly into a grimace.

"No, well yes," I stammer and she waits, tight lipped, for me to explain, "you know Raven and Wick have more advanced technology in their lab on the ark than what you've provided them with here."

"I was unaware." She lies running her fingers along the edge of the table. "Besides that isn't a question Clarke."

"Why did you really bring them here?" That's a question.

"Because they are smart and I need them to work for me." Lexa says dismissively.

I narrow my eyes at her, "and?"

"I thought you might have missed your friends. I wanted you to know that you are welcome to have guests here, this is just as much your home as it is mine. If you should choose to stay here in Polis... with me." She whispers the last two words almost as if saying them out loud is painful for her.

"Is that what you want?" I ask her just as quietly, because the words alone make me feel weak and vulnerable.

"Arkadia is your home." That's not an answer.

"It was my home but that was a long time ago. Things changed. I've changed."

"Will you stay then?" Her brown eyes are guarded. Knowing I could crush her with one single word, no. But I could never hurt you Lexa, not even after Mount Weather, not even when I wanted to.

"Will your people accept that? Us together. It always seems like something we're trying to hide." I think back to the meeting not even five minutes ago, we were two completely different people. Not confidants, not lovers, nothing more than strangers who'd never shared more than a common goal between them.

"I was never trying to hide my feelings for you. That is my way of separating feelings from duty," she pauses to gather her thoughts. "Do you desire more affection Clarke?" I turn the words over and over in my mind, trying to imagine exactly what more affection means to Lexa.

"I'm sure there are certain things expected of you when choosing a companion." For someone who's already stepped so far from their comfort zone how could I possibly ask for more?

"You are legendary Wanheda, mountain slayer. To my people you are a leader, powerful, and smart. As they come to know you they learn that you are also compassionate, talented, and worthy to stand by my side. What they don't realize is that you didn't need to become the commander of death to attain those traits. You were already all of those things; and so much more. No one has ever been able to do what you have Klarke kom Skaikru...en Trikru." Her eyes search mine as I come to a stop beside her. To my surprise she leans over, pressing her lips to my temple. "If you want the world I will give you the world, all you have to do is ask it of me." Just like there's the transient and the infinite, there's tenderness and then there's Lexa.

This is her giving me more, offering me anything. I could take her up on it, I know she's good for it. I could march into the reception hall in front of the ambassadors of all thirteen clans with her hand in mine. I could kiss her with them watching, I could show them how much she loves me. But I do none of those things, because Lexa's affection is not for the world, only me.


	5. Costia And The Boy Finn

**"Long before you were born there was light. Hidden deep in these young, unfamiliar eyes. A million choices, though little on there own, become the heirloom of the heaviness you've known."**

 **~Heirloom by Sleeping at Last**

(Clarke POV)

Training with Indra is exhausting, by the end of each day I am sore and bruised. My body is tired but my mind races. I busy myself reading the books on Lexa's shelf. The first two I've read were not too exciting but today when I reach for the third a smaller book tumbles out from behind it. I return my original choice to the shelf and reach down for the black bound pages instead. There are tiny keep sakes inside, dried flowers, coins, and miniature maps, amongst other things. None of the entries are dated or signed but I only have to skim over the first passage to know who wrote it.

 _'She_ _came_ _to_ _me_ , _on_ _this_ _the night before her conclave, confessing that she was afraid. Assuring me that she_ _would_ _fight_ _as_ _hard as she could, but reminding me in the same breath that I may never see her again. I hold her one last time, taking all of her in, and then letting all of her go.'_

Costia. I can't help but feel close to this woman I've never even met, the only person in the entire world that knew the overwhelming complexity of Lexa's love.

I press on, reading about how the conclave changed her. How part of Lexa died with each night blood she killed, how Luna fled after killing her own brother, how her ascension was a rebirth, giving way to the commander. Her role a blessing and a curse, it was so easy to get lost in her words.

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice startles me from the doorway.

"Lexa...I'm sorry I-" I stumble out of the arm chair to my feet, the diary clatters to the ground. We both reach for it at the same time, her trembling hand brushes over mine, gathering the writings and returning them to the shelf, her back is to me as she stands there, composing herself.

"That was personal, I shouldn't have." I begin rambling out apologies.

"How much did you read Clarke?" She asks in a measured tone.

"Only a page or two." I lie.

"How much did you read?" She repeats, the tremor in her voice barely audible.

"Enough." I admit, "She loved you very much."

"I loved her, I still..." she breaks off, "and I always-"

"That was part of your life, you're allowed to miss her." I reply, wanting to move toward her but my legs won't work.

"I don't want you to think that it in any way discredits my feelings towards you."

That's what she's worried about, "no Lexa. I know, it's ok."

"Do you ever think about him? The boy, Finn?" She asks still facing away from me.

"I try not to, sometimes I do." I pick at the lint on the hem of my top.

"Do you hate me? For what I made you do to him."

"You didn't make me do it. He turned himself over, because I was trying to help him hide and I got hurt. He didn't want to hurt me anymore, he did it for me. Same as the village shooting, all for me. Because he thought they had me captive there, I did what I had to so he wouldn't suffer. I loved him, he loved me, and that's what got him killed." Now that enough time had passed my relationship with him felt like another lifetime.

"We're not so different, you and I."

"I've known that for a while."

"I'm sorry." For what? That we're the same?

"Don't be." I shake my head even though she can't see me.

Lexa moves quickly, grabbing the book from the case and holding it out to me, "you're welcome to finish it, what's mine is yours."

"Look at me," I step forward, taking her outstretched hand in mine, setting her offering aside. "Please," I add when she doesn't move.

She turns her head slowly, tears cascading over the raised skin of her cheeks, "I love you Clarke." The statement is so desperate and broken it brings me no comfort.

"I love you too," I rest my forehead against hers, allowing my eyes to fall shut.

"So much," she cups my face in her hands, "so much."

"I know," I assure her, my own hands coming up to steady hers. I lean in to press our lips together and a strangled cry slips from the back of her throat almost as if my kiss is painful. Because it is, every nerve in my body raw and throbbing. It wounded and it healed, it burned and it soothed. I'm pawing at her clothes, desperation eating away at me, the need to be closer to her, to feel her skin against mine consuming me.

"I need you," she sobs as we break apart to pull her shirt over her head.

"I'm here." I murmur against her lips, salty with tears, both hers and mine. "Right here, feel me?"

She nods, fingers frantically unbuttoning my pants. My head is light, like I might pass out. "Breathe Clarke, just breathe."

I shake my head, "I can't." My voice cracking at the realization. Having her, losing her, then having her again. My lungs burn for oxygen.

"You have to." She insists, "for me, you have to."

I can't help the sound that escapes me as I suck in a breath, gasping for it greedily. I'm drowning in this, drowning in her. Her kisses make their way down my neck, over my collar bone, the valley between my breasts, moving lower still. My back resting against the hard oak of the bookshelf. "No Lexa," I protest when her mouth is nipping at the skin of my inner thighs, forcing my legs apart, "no. Please come back," I beg her, my shoulders slump in relief as she makes her way up my body. I don't need her mouth on me, I need her pressed up against me from head to toe, her breath hot in my ear, her fingers inside me, loving me, fucking me, owning me.

"Lexa." _Pulling me apart and putting me back together._

"Lexa." _Slipping through my fingers time and time again._

"Lexa." _Bringing me up to the clouds and then sending me spiraling back to earth._

"LEXA!" _Tearing through me like a hurricane, leaving nothing in her wake._

"You're ok," she quiets me, kissing away the tears that won't stop falling as I come down from my high. Leaving me a shuttering mess as her fingers withdraw from me.

I pull back slightly, just to look at her. To be in this moment with the only person who has never judged me. Knowing that when it was over I wouldn't have to explain my actions. I slip a single digit inside, coating it in her wetness, the heel of my palm brushing against her clit.

"Clarke," her head clunks back onto the book case, her nails digging into the skin of my forearm, the other tangled deep in my hair. The sound of her heated pants driving me to add a second finger. Her lips part, fighting for each breath as I push her higher and higher, closer to the stars.

"I love you Lexa," with that her mouth returns to action, all the urgency from earlier dissipates, and oh her kisses, her kisses, _her kisses_ , so meaningful and featherlight. My top lip, then bottom, finally sealing over both, each time giving a little piece of herself away. Each time becoming a little more mine until I owned her solely; with my fingers, with my mouth, with my heart. Her soul calling out to mine, finding me for one single second amongst the cosmos and then exploding, shattering in a hundred different directions as she cums. Her walls catching and releasing on my fingers, her thighs trapping my hand between them.

"Klarke," the soft exhale of my name, clicking heavily in my ear. "I love you too." Her body slackens against me, fully sated, pinned between myself and the shelf. I relax, slipping my fingers from her, nuzzling the side of her neck. Her lingering question from days before flickering briefly through my mind, 'do you desire more affection Clarke?' No, I realize; there is no such thing.

(Abby's POV)

"You can't just storm into the Commander's room Abby, we are guests here." Marcus grabs my wrists to stop me from leaving.

"I've been her mother for eighteen years and she's never screamed like that, I'm telling you something is wrong." I shake him off.

"What do you really think is going on up there?" He sighs, reguarding me with raised brows.

"You can't be serious." I scoff.

"Just humor me." He reaches for me again, cupping my elbow in his hand.

"I know what you're implying." I push the hair that escapes my braid behind my ear. "It shouldn't sound like that, even if they were... that's two levels above us. These walls aren't thin either." I say pointedly.

"You remember what it's like to be young."

"I'm going up there."

"Fine," he holds up his hands in defeat.

I take the floors as fast as the lift will raise me, becoming increasingly perturbed that the elevator is the only way up or down. I approach the two armed men outside of the Commander's quarters without hesitation.

"Let me through." I demand.

"The Commander is not to be disturbed while in the presence of Wanheda." The first man explains.

"Unless you want to piss off the woman who gave birth to the commander of death I suggest you let me pass."

"I can not allow that."

"I'm not leaving until I've seen my daughter." I dig my heels in.

"That's not possible at this time." A clear dismissal, but I will not be so easily derailed.

I don't sit, I stand, arms crossed and wait. After quite some time the door behind the guards finally opens from the inside. Lexa steps out, her brows furrowing when she sees me. Dark locks pinned over one shoulder, leaving the other bare. Her dress is floor length with thin straps and slit up to her mid thigh, she looks so...normal. "Doctor Griffin," she greets me, "is everything alright?"

"You tell me." I square my shoulders, "Where's Clarke?"

"Sleeping." She informs me.

"May I see her?"

"Of course," she nods, ushering me into her bedroom. Candles in elaborate holders illuminate the space, Clarke at the center beneath the heavy furs of the bed sound asleep. I stare at her for a long moment making sure my eyes haven't deceived me.

"Is everything alright?" Lexa asks a second time.

"We need to talk." I insist, even if Clarke is fine, which it truly appears she is I still have a bone to pick with the Commander.

"Might we move into the sitting room?" She suggests, "I don't want to wake her."

I smooth my hands over my pants as I follow her out. "I need to know what your intentions are with my daughter."

"I'm not sure what you mean." She says, sinking down onto the lush couch at the corner of the room. I take a seat on the ottoman across from her before continuing.

"Marcus and I will be returning home to Arkadia with Wick and Raven in just a few days, Clarke should come with us." I dive in, straight to the point.

"I believe that's up to Clarke." Lexa replies calmly, sinking farther back into the cushions.

"Have you spoken to her about it?" I wonder.

She bobs her head once in response.

"And?" I wait for her to elaborate.

"I've asked her to stay in Polis." Her lean legs cross, one over the other.

"You what?"

"She said yes."

"And neither of you felt it necessary to mention this?" Lexa's never been someone with a high functioning moral compass but surely she can understand what she's done is unacceptable.

"No. I do not need to explain myself to you or anyone else. Any decisions made between Clarke and I are exactly that." She brushes me off.

"So what, you'll just keep her here forever, continuing to use her as you see fit?"

"Use her," she gapes at me, recoiling like I've slapped her.

"Don't be obtuse Lexa, you betrayed her at Mount Weather, you brought her here to kneel before you and take her power, you keep her around because you need her." I seethe.

"That couldn't be more true, only not in the way you think. Wanheda is my ally, a strong one at that but Clarke is special to me." She explains, unphased by my accusations.

"You mean she's your lover." A pleasure bringer, something which holds no emotional value.

"Among other things yes." She nods.

"You can't keep stringing her along it's not fair to her. She's never going to be your equal, she's never going to be your wife, and the two of you will never ride off into the sunset together somewhere in the happily ever after. She needs to know that. I have tried to be supportive, when you woke up and I realized the extent of Clarke's feelings for you I wanted to believe that you felt the same. The way you wanted to be with her that night, I thought maybe there was a chance. Yesterday at the meeting it was different." Even if Lexa does care for her it will never work between them. Lexa's people will always come first.

"Your need to protect her runs deep, I will not fault you for that, but you need to know that I'm not going anywhere. She is not my plaything, she is not a pawn to use as I please, she is my equal, I will make her happy, and should there come a day when she desires to be my wife that's exactly what she'll be. I love Clarke, same as you, I want to protect her, same as you. We're on the same side Abby." She speaks with so much passion that for a second I believe her. I don't think she's a bad person, I just don't think she's the right person for my daughter. But then again no one is ever good enough for your little girl.

"I don't want to lose her." I admit, looking down at my hands.

"You won't," Lexa leans forward, "our traditions are much different from yours, we do not have the same parental bonds. I do not remember my mother or father, I was taken from them as an infant. Brought to Polis to be trained by the flamekeeper, taught to fight rather than love, taught how to be ruthless rather than kind, but I do not regret those things. I used those skills to become the leader I am today, I'm not perfect but I try. Jus drein jus daun has always been our way, with Clarke's help I have seen a better way, I'm trying to teach my people but these things take time. Our legacy will be peace."

"If you hurt her again-"

"I won't," she cuts me off, "I know you don't trust me and for good reason but that is in the past. Moving forward I want us to get along, if only for Clarke's sake. I'm glad we got a chance to discuss these things."

"Heda. I'm sorry to intrude but this was delivered for you at the front gates." The messenger stands, head bowed, holding a small wooden box out to her.

"Thank you Meilo." She takes the parcel from him and the young boy excuses himself. His eyes cast downward through the entire exchange. "It is unusual for me to receive gifts, especially at this late hour." She frowns slightly at the box before pressing the top up. Her eyes scan the contents restlessly, she drops the note back inside and immediately calls out for her guards. "Every door within my chambers is to be heavily guarded, two soldiers at each and four at the hallway entrance."

"Lexa what is this?" I rise to my feet but she ignores me as her guards reply quickly in their language. 'Klarke kom Skaikru', are the only words I can make out jumbled up in the mix.

"She is confined to my quarters until I return, provide her with anything she needs upon requests but she does not leave these rooms." Lexa barks out the rest of her orders.

"Sha Heda." The men say in unison.

"Lexa! What are you doing?" I call after her.

"I'm sorry to cut our talk short. Take care of her for me, she doesn't take kindly to being locked away. But I suppose you already know that." With that she's gone in a whirlwind of commotion. Leaving me to wonder what the hell just happened.


	6. Queen Echo Of Azgeda

**"Calling your name in the midnight hour, reaching for you from the endless dream. So many miles between us now, but you are always here with me."**

 **~Here with me by Susie Suh**

(Clarke's POV)

"Lexa." I slam my fist against the door. "Lexa!"

"Clarke she's not out there." My mother sighs, from the foot of the bed.

"You don't understand! I can't do this again." I break off, jiggling the door handle desperately, "Lexa, please."

"She's locked you in here before?" Her voice is a mixture of surprise and disgust.

"No, Titus. After she..." my throat constricts uncomfortably, "right here, on this bed- in my arms."

"Oh sweetheart," Mom breathes, coming to put her hand on my shoulder as I rest my forehead against the door.

"He took her away, I was in here with Murphy. I couldn't get out, her blood was all over me. All that time I spent fighting her, running from her, hating her, I didn't know. She loved me too early and I loved her too late." I turn to face her.

"Take a breath." She urges me, holding my face between her hands. "This isn't the same, I know it might feel that way but it's not."

"I finally told her in the city of light and she didn't say it back, I couldn't understand it then but she did it for me. Because she loved me that much, she didn't want me to hold on to her forever. But I was never gonna move on, it didn't matter that she didn't say it because with Lexa I never had to wonder. She told me she loved me every day." I double over, my hands on my knees in an effort to remain up right.

"Hey, honey, look at me. She's ok, everything is fine. Just sit down and relax. They brought breakfast for us." Mom helps me to the edge of the bed.

"What the hell happened?" I demand again as she sets the tray of food in front of me, the prospect of eating makes my stomach churn in my current state of hysteria.

"I'm not sure, what I know is that a box was delivered to her. There was a note, she read it, saw whatever was inside and then she ordered you to be under round the clock surveillance. Her guards can't let anyone in or out of this room." She explains for the second time.

"Did you see what was in it? How big was the box? What color was it?" I rattle off every question in my frazzled mind.

"Clarke," she stops my rambling, "she'll be back. I promise, she's coming back."

I inhale deeply, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. She's coming back, I repeat to myself, this isn't like the last time. "How long has she been gone?"

"Since last night." My mother says slowly, as if not to upset me farther. "You should eat."

* * *

It's not until well into the afternoon that Lexa graces us with her presence, flinging open the door and striding over to gather me in her arms.

"I know you're upset with me but I can explain." She whispers against my ear, I twine my arms around her, keeping her close.

"Talk to me." I insist impatiently.

She pulls back slightly, from behind her back she produces the box in question. It's about the size of a normal jewelry box, what's inside is a simple necklace, it looks harmless.

"I don't understand." I shake my head.

"Congratulations on your recent courtship, best regards." Lexa reads from the note she holds in her hand.

"Who's it from?" I wonder, running my fingers along the fine cut edges of the raw diamonds.

"The Queen of Azgeda." Lexa replies, making my stomach flip.

"Nia is dead." I remind her and myself.

"She is," Lexa nods.

"Then who?" My forehead creases.

"Echo."

"Echo that had Bellamy and Octavia storming the summit under the impression that there was an assassin to distract us long enough to blow up Mount Weather?" I stammer.

"The very same." Then again, how many Echo's could there really be?

"And this possessed you to confine me to a room for hours? Because she sent me a necklace?" My eyes search hers for an explanation.

"This is not just any necklace, this is what I gave to Costia the last night I ever saw her."

"Oh." Of course, I should have assumed.

"She's trying to send a message." Her tone is incessant, drawing my attention back to the problem at hand.

"That you should give me jewelry?" I'm grasping at straws here, trying to connect the dots.

"That you're next." Her dark brows furrow.

"You don't know that." I shake my head at her, brushing my knuckles over her jawline to gentle her. "Maybe it's just a sign of good faith. Returning something that belongs to you."

"I don't want you wearing this." She drops my hand back to my side.

"I won't, it's not mine." I recoil, unable to stop the stinging slap her words inflict.

"Why keep it all this time just to give it back now?" Lexa spins on her heels, desperate to make eye contact with anything but me. "She's throwing it in my face that she knows about us. Planning to use it against me."

"Lexa, you're over thinking this; if she's trying to get inside your head she succeeded. She wins, but only if you let her. You know you can't keep me in here forever." I can't be in this room with no way out for another minute. It does things to me.

"That was only a precautionary measure until I briefed the security detail and increased them around the perimeter of Polis. You're free to go about your business. But Clarke...kamp raun, war is brewing; I need you." Those three words I've heard from her lips a thousand different ways take on a new meaning. I see the fear in her brown eyes, the anxious way they flicker about my face. This isn't Lexa needing me, this is the Commander reaching out for Wanheda.

"You want the commander of death," I pause, giving her a slight nod of consent, "you've got her."

(Lexa's POV)

I slip under the warm waters in my tub, up to my neck, resting there for a minute before submerging my head. Holding my breath until it burns and then for just a second longer, finally breaching the surface to draw in some much needed oxygen. Running my fingers over the light peppering of bubbles I allow myself to relax, head dropping back against the ledge of the bathtub, my eyes fall shut. The soft scent of vanilla omitting from my candles helps my mind slip into deep meditation. When I finally come back to myself the water is frigid at best, I hurry out, wrapping myself in my robe after toweling off. I comb through my damp hair deftly, letting it hang freely down my back. Before moving through the open door into my sleeping quarters, another box. Bigger than the last, too big for a simple piece of jewelry. I twine my arms tighter around myself as I step toward it, my skin crawls. Don't be silly Lexa, it's just a box. You're the Commander and this is a box. It can't hurt you. I flip the top open unable to suppress the blood curdling scream that escapes me. It's Clarke, nothing more than her severed head. Lifeless blue eyes wide open, staring straight ahead. No, no, no! Please no, not her.

"Lexa." Calls a distant voice.

"Lexa!" The voice comes again this time more urgently.

I gasp, finally breaking free of my nightmare; shooting up into a sitting position trying to calm myself. "Clarke." I run my fingers over her face experimentally, to be sure she's real.

"You're ok." She tells me, kissing the side of my head.

"I was- and you-" I try to put into words what's weighing so heavily on my heart. This is the second night in the row I've had the same dream.

"Shhh." Clarke gentles me, her arms tight around me. Guiding me back to lie down beneath the furs of our bed, her front pressed securely to my back.

"Can we please talk about something else?" I murmur against the cool side of the pillow.

"Like what?" She nuzzles my neck with her nose.

"Tell me about the ark."

"What about it?"

"Anything you want, I just need to hear your voice." I admit softly.

"Mkay," Clarke nods, "but you have to close your eyes and try to sleep."

I force my eyes shut, despite my lingering fear of sleep, and let the husky murmurs falling from her lips send me drifting away.

(Clarke's POV)

"When Roan and I were prisoners here he snuck a knife under my bed and said if I killed the commander he'd already bought enough guards to get me out of Polis. I know you were one of them. I'm not going to tell Lexa because I don't want her to kill you. I want you to work for me." I say to Tarrik, keeping my distance, hoping not to draw any unwanted attention from the other guards near by.

"What exactly are you asking for?" He shifts his stance marginally.

"I need two horses and a way out of the capital, also access to the radio that links between here and Arkadia. Last I knew it was in Indra's possession." I tell him.

"I'll need at least two days."

"You have until sundown tonight." I can't spend another night here.

"I'll make the arrangements." He gives a slight nod.

Tarrik doesn't disappoint, by six o'clock that night I'm holding the walkie in my hand. Raven, Mom, Kane, and Wick have agreed to cover for me here. Understanding, as I do, that the prospect of preventing a war greatly out weighs the risk of Lexa's wrath.

"Clarke?" The radio buzzes to life, the sound of Bellamy's voice filling the line.

"Hey, I need to collect on that favor you owe me." I whisper over the static.

"I'm all ears." There's a slight rustling on his end and I can almost imagine the fabric of his jacket brushing against itself.

"We're taking a little vacation."

"May I ask where to princess?"

"Ice Nation. They sent me a gift, I'm going to thank them for it." I explain, not wanting to give too much away.

"A card's not good enough anymore?" I can hear the smile in his tone.

"Not for this."

"Some gift." He huffs.

"You have no idea." I sigh, tracing my finger over the seam of my dress. 'Dresses are impractical in times of war Lexa.' I had chastised when she filled my wardrobe up with nothing but the finest silks and satins.

"And the Commander?" He clears his throat, drawing my wandering mind back to the task at hand.

"She's taken care of, I've got people covering for me." I assure him. 'But we are not at war now Clarke.' Lexa husked against my ear before demonstrating the perks of wearing such things.

"If she finds out about this-"

"I know," I breathe, "I have to do this for her."

"Ok. Consider it done." Static fills the line.

I seek out something more suitable to wear, because that was then and this is now. Dresses are impractical and we're at war.

(Bellamy's POV)

"How's Jessa?" Clarke asks after a while of quiet riding. Last night was the first time I've seen her since Octavia left. We rode late into the night, putting a reasonable distance between ourselves and Polis before making camp in the tree line.

I can't help but smile, "wonderful."

"I never would have thought, you and her."

"Me either." I admit, on the ark I never even knew she existed. I guess sometimes everything's gotta go to shit before you realize what was right in front of you all along. "I didn't realize that she even had feelings for me until Kane got sentenced to death. She knew that I had a hand in it, she came into my room, held a gun to my head."

"Definitely sounds like a declaration of love." Clarke smirks, eyes focused straight ahead.

"She'd rather kill me than to watch me do the wrong thing for one more day. To do something that wasn't me, I couldn't see it, she could. She saved me. I love her for that." After Gina, after Ice Nation blew up Mount Weather, knowing that I helped them do it by trusting Echo, that screwed me up in a way I didn't think I could have come back from. But somehow I did.

"I'm happy for you Bellamy." She says quietly, the boundaries of Ice Nation have finally come into view.

"I'm happy for you too, maybe we deserve it; being happy."

"Maybe we do."

"When this is done what happens?" I wonder, if we're going back to war I need to know.

"I hope nothing."

"But you know better." I nod, we both know better.

"War happens." Clarke confirms, "but that's going to happen anyway."

"Because of Echo." It always comes back to that traitor. I should have just left her in that cage in Mount Weather to rot.

"Because that's all they know. Lexa's special, she sees how things can be. That blood must not always have blood, others can't. I'm giving them one last chance to try and see the light."

"She wasn't always a bad person, Echo." She saved my life once.

"Neither is Roan, they just..." She trails off, carding her fingers through the horses mane.

"I've seen wonderful people do the worst kinds of things, just like I've seen bad people work miracles. I realized it's not all black and white, no one is all good or all bad all the time. It just doesn't work that way. I hope you can make them see, people listen to you."

"You really could have said no to this, I know it was a lot to ask." Clarke turns to me offering me a tight smile.

"No way." I grin in return, "my sister, my responsibility."

(Lexa's POV)

"Heda, there's been another reported sighting of Wanheda past the boarder of Trikru land." Archer returns with yet another message.

"Surely a mistake." I wave him away, busying myself with my work. I cannot let her presence, or lack there of, dictate my agenda. She asked for space, I have given it.

"This is the third today."

I hold a hand up to silence him. "Unless you mean to tell me that she somehow slipped past our military defenses there is no way that Clarke has stepped foot outside of Polis."

"Sha Heda." The man hangs his head, clasping both hands behind his back.

"Do you truly believe our soldiers are incompetent enough to allow that?" I press on.

"No commander but-"

"But what?" I demand, stepping around the table.

"The members of Skaikru have convened in one room for the fifth time since this past night fall, Wanheda was only spotted going in or out of said meeting room once."

"So you mean to tell me no one in this building has laid eyes on Klarke kom Skaikru in nearly a day?" My hands ball into fists at my side.

"No Heda."

"Thank you, that will be all." The second I'm alone in the room I tie up my maps, abandoning my workload. Clarke wouldn't leave, not now. I try to assure myself but there's that tiny nagging voice in my head that reminds me that this is Clarke I'm talking about and if she thought leaving Polis would help in some way nothing could stop her from doing so. Standing outside of Raven's room I can hear the steady movements inside, the hushed murmurs, and pacing of footsteps.

"Raven do you copy?" It's Clarke, my heart skips a beat.

"Go for Raven. You guys doing good?" A second voice responds.

"Making great time actually, how are things there?"

"I'm not sure how long we can keep this up. The guards are starting to talk, Abby and Kane have been keeping their distance just so we don't raise any red flags. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I think they're watching us. Possibly listening, either way I think you checking in every few hours might not be such a good idea." Raven replies in a hushed tone.

"Ok, we'll keep the lines open just for emergencies. I'll radio when we're on the way back. Have you seen Lexa?"

"She's been M.I.A. So I assume no news is good news. What the hell did you say to her to keep her away this long?" Raven has a teasing tone in her voice. As if this is in someway entertaining to her.

"It's not important." Clarke says shortly.

Having heard enough I pound my fist against the door.

"Shit uh, hang on," Wick replies from inside.

"Who is it?" Raven calls.

"Stop what you're doing and get this door open!" I'm all but prepared to order my guards kick it in when the handle turns, granting us access to the inside.

"Raven? What's going on?" Clarke's voice comes from inside the black handheld device.

"Give it to me." I seethe, holding a hand out.

The sky girl relinquishes it to me with a sigh, "press this button down to talk to her."

"Raven do you copy." Clarke's voice sounds again, this time more anxiously.

"Clarke." I hold my finger over the button on the side of the device.

"Lexa I-" she flounders helplessly.

"I'm not angry. Just come home, whatever has happened we can talk about it." I rest the cool plastic against my forehead, desperate for some form of closeness.

"Soon." She says breathlessly, "I'll ride through the night, be back by late afternoon."

"I'm sorry." For every single thing I've ever done. I can do better. Please just come home.

"Me too." She admits, "we can talk about it when I get back. I'll come home to you Lexa, I promise."

"Please...don't do this." I try one last time.

"I'm sorry, but I made this choice with my head and not my heart." The line goes dead, she's gone.

I draw in a deep breath through my nose, dropping the radio to the ground at my feet. "Prepare my fastest horses, we leave within the hour. Send riders out to the other twelve clans, raise an army and await my orders. If Ice Nation has harmed so much as a hair on her head we lay waste to Azgeda and everyone within its walls. Find me my traitors, any one of my guards who aided Wanheda's escape, their sentence is death." I turn on Raven and Wick. "I hope you're pleased with yourselves, you have no idea what you've done."


	7. Misguided Trust

**"Shut your mouth baby, stand and deliver. Holy hands, oh they make me a sinner. Like a river, like a river, shut your mouth and run me like a river."**

 **~River By Bishop Briggs**

(Clarke's POV)

"State your business." The guard demands from behind the tall winding metal gate. The entrance into Ice Nation is beautiful, too beautiful for the horrors it harbors inside.

"I'm here to see the queen." I say firmly, climbing down from the saddle of my horse, encouraging Bellamy to do the same.

"Not without invitation." The man replies, he's got at least two feet on Bellamy and stands sturdy as a tree, he reminds me a lot of Gustus. It seems our little exchange is grabbing the attention of the people inside and they gather close to the gate to get a better look.

"Let them pass." Says a familiar voice as Roan's subjects make a clear path for him. "We mustn't be rude to our guests. But first you will unarm yourselves, surely you understand this is only a precaution."

"Of course," I nod, removing first my gun from the holster, followed by my sword, the dagger stuffed into the side of my boot, and finally the smaller one held between my breasts. When we've abandoned all of our weaponry onto the ground the gate slowly creeps open.

Roan grins at me, "right this way Wanheda, let us speak in private. Your attendant may busy himself elsewhere."

"I go where she goes." Bellamy argues, taking a protective step in front of me.

"It's ok," I assure him, "I'll come find you when I'm finished." I agree against my better judgement.

"Get this fine man some refreshments." Roan directs his servant. "I get the feeling this may take a while."

(Bellamy's POV)

I hate this, I hate this place, I hate these people, I hate that Clarke is somewhere alone with that prick who doesn't realize her eyes are on her face and not her chest. My fingers itch for something to fidget with, picking at the patch sewn onto the elbow of my jacket. I miss Jessa, I miss waking up to those warm brow eyes, I miss her smile, the way her blonde hair catches between my fingers. I miss her laugh, I miss her.

"What's the matter sky boy? Our food not to your liking?"

My jaw ticks, I know that voice. "Go float yourself Echo, I have nothing to say to you."

"Is that anyway to speak to a queen?" She snickers, "Don't they teach manners in space?"

"You're no queen of mine." I turn away from her.

"Fair enough. I hope you realize all that transpired at the summit was not personal, I was only doing my duty. You were there, we'd met before and you had some form of misguided trust toward me. When you and I worked together at the Mountain that was not personal either. I saw a way out and I took it, I used whatever means necessary to save myself and my people." She moves to sit next to me.

"Don't worry, I learned my lesson. Any 'misguided trust' I once had is gone now." I sneer, my tone as harsh and condescending as her own.

"Good," she nods, "it helps no one."

"But blowing up my people did?" I scoff, I should just shut up. She's not worth my breath.

"The Commander is weak for your sky girl, she couldn't see passed her attempts to woo her. She has forsaken her duty to her own people. Leksa kom Trikru is a disgrace to the name Heda. Skaikru should never have set foot in that Mountain, hundreds of our people where lost within it and you used it for pleasure. You deserved what you got." Echo snarls, her unruly, matted hair blowing in the wind.

"I think the reason you hate Lexa so much is because you're jealous. She has everything you want, using the body of one of your own people to continue besting you. Plus she has the Commander of Death in her corner and the coalition under her belt. Wasn't Ontari the former queen's special little project to take the title of Commander for Ice Nation? That must have it's own sting about it. I'd be bitter too if I were you." I shrug, all is fair in love and war.

"Lexa would only be a threat if she obtained the power of Wanheda, she cannot have it by simply parading her around like a trophy. If Lexa wants that power she will have to strike Clarke down and take it." She replies smugly, knowing as well as I do that will never happen.

"Not if Lexa marries her."

She stiffens, "you've done your research, if you are so well educated why have you not suggested this solution to Wanheda? Afraid she would reject such an offer?"

"Lexa doesn't have to own her for that power, so long as Clarke gives it to her there's no reason to change anything." God these grounders and their possessiveness. Always gotta take, take, take. You don't have to own something for it to be yours and a person is definitely not something you own.

"My people will never support this folly. Blood must not have blood," she ticks off on her fingers, "peaceful exchanges of power, it simply will not hold."

"I thought your people weren't savages. What happened to that?" The snide remark doesn't seem to faze her at all.

"We are what we are."

"Is that why you did all this?" I wonder, "Why you betrayed me, why you married Roan? For power?"

"Why else does one do things Bellamy? If not for power or honor?" Echo cocks her head to the side.

"We all have our reasons." I tell her, I don't owe her anything. Certainly not an in depth explanation of why I do what I do.

"Love?" She spits out, like the word tastes sour on her tongue.

"Sometimes." I shrug.

"I have never loved nor been loved by another."

"Is this the part where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you and forgive you for all your indecencies? If that was your plan it's not working." I indulge her with a snarky grin.

"I have never desired either one. After all look how far I've come without it." Echo brushes me off.

"It's easier to feel nothing than it is to feel too much." That's something I know better than most people give me credit for. "But once you've felt something, you'll want to feel it again."

(Clarke's POV)

"I assume marriage is treating you well, you're positively glowing with the affects of new found love." I begin, mockingly, as Roan escorts me into his large sitting room.

"Love has no place in leadership." Roan narrows his eyes at me, "you'd do well to remember that."

"Your mother teach you that?" I arch an incredulous brow at him.

"Yes actually. Her measures were extreme but they were affective." Why am I not surprised he's still defending the woman who cast him out of his own kingdom.

"As much as I love small talk let's get down to business," I run my finger over the finish on the mahogany center table. "You know why I'm here."

"You didn't like the necklace I assume." Roan watches my movements intently. "It's a shame, it would have went so nicely with the color of your eyes. I don't suppose the Commander ever mentioned the striking resemblance between yourself and the woman for whom she had this necklace made."

"Why did Echo send it?" You're not gonna get under my skin.

"She wanted it out of my belongings." He shrugs.

"Why did you have it? Why keep it all this time?" I press on, I didn't come all this way for nothing. I'm leaving with answers or I'm not leaving at all.

"I no longer needed it." Not what I'm looking for.

"Why did you need it to begin with?" I cock my head to the side.

"My mother tortured Costia because Lexa loved her, she made me kill her because I did too." Now we're getting somewhere.

"Is that why Lexa banished you?" I don't allow his bizarre admission to distract me. The dead are gone and the living are hungry.

"I'm not sure she knew the particulars but she may have suspected."

"How could you do that? If you loved her like you say, how could you kill her?"

"How could you kill the man you loved?" He says, finally catching me off guard, "there are stories about you too."

"To end his suffering." It has always been and will always be that simple.

"It wasn't until after she was gone that I realized how much all those feelings of unrequited affection had hindered me. I'd lost my way." So it was really just one of those longing from a far type of deals, Costia probably didn't even know.

"So you married a woman you could never love." I cross my arms over my chest.

"Echo is strong, she will make a good queen. She will produce an heir and help me lead my people, she was beloved by my mother for her willingness to do whatever it takes to accomplish our goals. She's as good as any."

"And now your goal is war?" When Lexa made him king surely this wasn't what she had in mind.

"I never said that." Roan squares his shoulders, looking over at me.

"Then just to kill me," I accuse, "your message was pretty clear. I'm next right? Well here I am, so do what you're gonna do and go to hell." I take another step toward him.

He smiles down at me, "perhaps I only bated you here in the hopes that Lexa would follow, leaving the entirety of Polis without defenses. If in fact that is what I'm doing and she has rallied the armies of the other twelve clans to surround Azgeda and prepare to retaliate if I harm you; then you played right into that didn't you? All I had to do was send you a piece of jewelry and I have the two of you dancing like puppets on a string." Roan chuckles. "Go home Clarke, you are weak."

"What Echo sent was an act of war. If that's how you want to play, fine. But don't be surprised when you come running home with your tail tucked between your legs." This isn't a threat, it's a promise.

"We've waged war against Trikru before and lived to tell the tale, your threats are idle." Roan steps away from me, cocky enough to turn his back on his enemy.

"You've never been at war with Skaikru and the Coalition." I say, drawing him back.

"My quarrel is not with you Wanheda." He sighs, preparing himself a drink from the nearby cart. "Stand down, maybe we can be allies."

"Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." Attack her and you attack me.

"Last time I wanted to put an end to the Commander you had no qualms about it, how quickly the tides have changed." Roan remarks, his eyes dancing with amusement.

"I'm giving you one last chance to do the right thing. It doesn't have to be like this."

"Your coalition is not as sturdy as you think, others will follow Ice Nation. You're not one of us Clarke, the fact that you fell from the sky doesn't not changed based on who shares your bed." So which of the other twelve clans will stand against us when the time comes?

"You're right, that's why by this time next week I will be her houman, Commander of the blood and Commander of death bound for all eternity." I smile in earnest, daring himself to call my bluff. My most dangerous bluff yet. "How weak am I now?"

His nostrils flare, "Lexa would never consider such treachery." Telling me that a binding ceremony is not only a good idea; but rather a great idea.

"I'm not considering it." A voice from the entry way startles us both. My heart sinks, Lexa's here, ready to shut me down and drag me, kicking and screaming, from this room like a petulant child in front of all of Azgeda. "I'm doing it," she says after a long pause. "Let it be known across your lands that in seven days time I will wed Klarke kom Skaikru, legendary Wanheda; mountain slayer."

(Lexa's POV)

"I hope you know that marrying you for politics was never something I had in mind for us. But given your uncanny ability to dig us into a hole we cannot escape from you've given me no choice." I say to Clarke when we've set camp for the night and retired to our tent. The silence from the time of our departure until this very moment hangs heavily in the air.

"What'd you do to Bellamy?" She snaps, as if I'd harm him or any of her other accomplices.

"I sent him back to Arkadia, Clarke. What else would I do? String him up?" I sigh, seating myself on the makeshift bed.

"You've done more over less." She retorts, turning her back to me.

"The only people being punished for your little indiscretion are my guards."

"Good." She has not been so short with me in a very long while, I can say with certainty that I haven't missed it.

"Was it worth it? For your pride?" I ask, trying to contain the rage inside me from making itself known, "To show your strength? Make everyone see how weak I am? Tell me then, how much was my love worth to you?" In the end my emotions win out, hot, angry tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

"I didn't sell you out Lexa, that's your prerogative; not mine." Clarke spits in return.

"I had no honor and you had no choice." I recall her words from our first meeting after the mountain. "Are we really back to this?"

"I don't know you tell me." She shrugs indifferently. "Besides I think we have bigger concerns than just us now."

"Maybe we don't have any concerns at all, isn't that right Clarke?"

"I thought mockery wasn't the product of a strong mind Commander."

"Jok yu." Before I can stop myself the words tumble out of my mouth.

"Me?!" Clarke whips her head around. "Screw me? You really think that I'm the problem?"

"You lied to me, you went behind my back, completely undermining-"

"I did it for you! Because I love you and seeing you like that was unbearable, you waking up calling out for me, I had to do something. I couldn't just watch it eat away at you. I was trying to stop a war, because our legacy is supposed to be peace, because I didn't want anymore of our people to die. War means you and me on the front lines; that's who we are, we're leaders and we don't just sit back and do nothing. War means that I lose you and I...I can't do that again Lexa. I just got you back." Clarke confesses, her voice cracking as tears finally slip onto her flushed cheeks. She bats them away, wrapping her arms around herself as if she might fall apart.

"I'm sorry if I was...harsh." I love you Clarke, the gods know I love you, but you put yourself in danger and it infuriates me. You make me feel things that I've never felt before, you make me weak. "It's just that you leaving like that-"

"I know. I'm sorry too." She breathes.

"I was never trying to hurt you, I only wanted to keep you safe." I tell her, closing the space between us to twine my own arms around her, kissing her hair ten times over. I don't want to fight with you, I don't want to make you cry.

"You still pissed at me?" She asks tentatively, her fingers itching under the hem of my shirt.

"I find it very difficult to stay angry at you, but I get the feeling you already know that." I smile sadly at her.

"Back on the Ark there's this thing called make up sex..."

"That sounds very confusing and complicated to explain." I move my lips to her ear, "so you'll just have to show me." Sex is good, with Clarke everything is good. Unfortunately it does not 'make up' for all that has transpired between us, but it does soften the blow.


	8. Flamekeeper

**"Light reflects from your shadow** , **it** **is more than I thought could exist.** **You move through the room** , **like** **breathing was easy.** **If someone believed me, they'd be as in love with you as I am."**

 **~Angels By The XX**

(Clarke's POV)

I'm making my way back from the trading posts when I'm interrupted, assaulted is really a better word, forced against the wall of the alleyway, my cheek held tightly on the rough surface by the person behind me.

"Would you always give up so easily in a fight sky girl, or have you merely mistaken me for your betrothed?" It's Indra, I realize.

"Is this your way of telling me I need to spend more time training, or have you mistaken me for someone who's not on a very tight schedule?" I retort, attempting to free myself from her grasp to no avail.

"Your tongue lashings will not defend you in battle. Only the ability to properly wield a weapon can do that." As always, she has a point.

"Unfortunately with my upcoming nuptials I don't have very much time for anything but preparations." Ever since Lexa and I returned to Polis all we've done is make decisions about the wedding.

"Your upcoming nuptials are the reason I'm trying to impose on you more training."

"What do you know that I don't?" I want to turn to face her but she's making that impossible.

"Besides how to avoid talking myself into unfavorable situations, you'd be surprised." Indra snarks.

"If you think you can stop insulting me long enough to pick up a sword, I have a few minutes." I agree.

"Follow me." She says, finally removing her crushing weight from my back. Indra keeps a brisk pace onto the main walkway, past the market place, and up to her training grounds.

"Tell me the truth, before we start." I stop her in her tracks, "do you think a wedding between the Commander and I is going to settle the unrest?"

"There's no way to know for sure, some will see it as a surrender on your behalf, this will appease the masses. Others will see it as a betrayal on Lexa's part, this number will be smaller but very dangerous still. These will be angry villagers seeking vengeance for all they have endured at the hands of Skaikru, leaders who want to over throw the Commander, loved ones of the warriors that were massacred under Pike's orders, they are thirsty for your blood and the blood of your people. They will go so far as to kill Lexa to kill you, when the need should arise you must be prepared to protect the Commander. To lay down your life for hers at a moments notice."

"I'm already prepared to do that, save Lexa, whatever it takes." Because the alternative of not saving her is too terrible and I cannot allow it.

"You are brave, I give you that but if you cannot win the battle against an assailant then you will bleed for nothing, and her life will still be at risk." She goes on.

"Help me, teach me how to protect her." I need her.

"You're preparing to embark on a binding ceremony like none you've ever seen. If you hesitate even for a moment your loyalties to the commander will be questioned. Even if something is foreign to you, even if it is painful, you must perform whatever task is asked of you as if it were second nature." I've been reading up on grounder traditions and she's right, it is different from any wedding I've ever seen on the Ark.

"If I'm in over my head, give me time to prepare."

"As to keep to tradition the last acting flamekeeper would perform the ceremony, since Titus has passed on the spot has not been filled. There are no natblida to train and it hasn't been necessary, now one must be appointed now."

"Murphy," I breathe, "I'll ask Murphy, he was acting as Ontari's flamekeeper."

"A sky person? To be flamekeeper?" She shakes her head in disagreement, "you walk a dangerous line."

"If we want to bring about change someone has to take the first step." I reason, if we want peace we're going to have to make it, if we want acceptance then we well to have to grant it.

She nods. "Pick up the sword."

I reach over to collect it, the harsh clank of metal when my sword meets hers sends adrenaline flooding through my veins. My training is finally starting to pay off, I still haven't managed to disarm Indra completely but she hasn't sent the sword flying out of my hand either. The places where her blade swipes across my skin burn, blood welling from the cuts. The difference between sparring with Lexa and sparring with Indra is that she's not afraid to make me bleed, and I need that. The reminder that I'm not invincible, that I can still be brought to my knees, the reminder that I am never safe.

"Ge smak daun gyon op nodotaim." Indra insists when she has me down in the dirt gasping for air after landing a kick square to my rib cage.

"Haven't you ever heard of not kicking someone when they're down?" I manage to croak out, dragging myself upright despite my body screaming in protest.

"If a person is down that is the best time to kick them. I want you to live, I want you to be the best you can be. For that reason I will always kick you when you are down, so that when you come to stand again, you've earned it."

(Lexa's POV)

I'm standing at the center of the fitting room, the smooth fabric of my gown caresses my skin as I step into it for the first time. The dress is beautiful in itself, a deep shade of purple. I take in my reflection in the full length mirror, the way the material hugs to my bust and hips, fanning out around my thighs to the lavish bottom.

"Is everything to your liking Commander?" Asks the woman kneeling at my feet, removing the silver pins from the bottom of my dress. She is the most talented seamstress in all of Polis, she has been making my wardrobe pieces since I ascended.

"Yes." No, but that's nothing you can fix. The problem is not with the dress.

"Pardon the intrusion Heda, the chancellor of Skaikru has come to see you." My guard announces from outside the door.

"Of course," I smooth down the material of my dress, "send her in." I turn to Aria, "thank you for your services, that'll be all."

"Sha Heda," the older woman bows her head and takes her leave.

"Do you have a minute?" Abby says from the doorway.

"Please," I nod, "join me."

"This is your dress?" She scans the gown from top to bottom.

"Yes."

"Try not to look so thrilled." She quips and I crack a smile.

"I'm not sure about the color if we're being honest." I move my gaze to my hands, wringing them restlessly.

"You don't wear white?" She steps past me, over toward the other side of the room.

"I haven't worn white since I was a child."

"In our culture the bride wears white to symbolize purity." She explains, how odd. I don't suppose the bride is also supposed to save herself for the wedding night.

"That ship has sailed." I murmur under my breath.

Abby averts her gaze quickly, clearing her throat.

"I'm sorry, that was terribly inappropriate. I didn't mean-"

"Clarke's not a virgin." She holds her hands up to stop me, "I'm aware, but I'm not here to talk about that."

"Then what are you here to talk about?" I'm hoping we can get all of her concerns addressed before the ceremony.

"Clarke's dress for the wedding."

"What about it?" I cock my head to the side.

"Well I still have mine from the Ark, it's the dress I wore when I married her father. Since he can't be here I thought it would be nice if she could have a part of him with her."

"Our seamstress has prepared a custom gown for her." I explain, pointing toward the vacant blue dress in the corner, "but Aria has the correct measurements to alter your dress instead. Radio your people, I'll send one of my soldiers to collect it from Arkadia."

"If you don't mind I want to surprise Clarke."

"Your secret is safe with me," I assure her, "but when it arrives I'd very much like to see it."

"Absolutely not." Abby scoffs, as if the suggestion was completely unprecedented.

"Why?" I ask, taking a step toward her.

"It's bad luck for the partner to see the others' dress before the ceremony, it's Skaikru tradition. Nothing against you."

"So then I cannot see her on the day of our wedding?" This is news to me.

"No but just until after this ceremony, if you choose to honor that tradition."

"I would like nothing more than to please her, if this is important to her, to you, and your people; I will honor your traditions Abby." I swear it.

"Thank you." She places her hand over mine.

"There is another one of your traditions that I'd like to honor while I have you here."

"Alright." She nods.

"I realize it's a bit out of sorts but I'd still like to ask for her hand. Clarke is the most precious thing in the world to me. I know that the two of us have not always seen eye to eye but I love your daughter. I will honor, cherish, and keep her all of my days, I hope in time you come to see that I am a worthy partner. More than anything I would like your blessing."

"You have my blessing." Abby's face softens.

"Thank you."

"And for the record, the color of your dress is beautiful."

"It doesn't feel right," I turn back to the mirror, "it's not mine."

"Clarke didn't fall in love with the dress, she fell in love with what was inside it." Surely she realizes that we are both talking about much more than a gown by now. "Sometimes we outgrow our dresses and have to find new ones; this dress is yours now, don't be afraid to wear it."

(Clarke's POV)

It almost seems like more trouble than it's worth, tracking down Murphy. It's obvious that he moves around a lot, like maybe he doesn't want to be found and I decide after nearly two hours of following dead ends that this will be the last place I search. The house is a tiny one story, tucked into a narrow alley on the outskirts of Polis. The shudders over the windows are held shut with wooden planks, the front door being the only way in or out. I knock twice, loud enough to be heard but not with enough force to appear threatening and then I wait. I'm just about to turn away when the door creaks open.

"Whatever you're selling we don't want any," the occupant of the house says without bothering to look up.

"John Murphy," I sigh in relief, "you are incredibly hard to track down."

"Yeah well that's the idea." He shrugs with a lopsided grin, leaning heavily against the door frame. "Emori's not exactly welcome here, neither am I for that matter. So is that why you're here? To give us an eviction notice?"

"No actually, it's kind of the opposite. I'm asking you to stay...forever." Maybe that was the wrong choice of words.

"Well I'm flattered, really. But why the hell would you want that?" Murphy cocks his head to the side.

"I need a flamekeeper to officiate my wedding, we need a flamekeeper period. With Titus gone you're the closest thing we've got and I'm running out of time." I tell him.

"You're kidding right? These people don't want me or Emori, her kind is forbidden inside the city. Us even being here is a risk. If you'd come a day later we would've already skipped town."

"Then we'll change that, Lexa will make it safe for you both to stay here." I propose hopefully. "There are hundreds of grounders vying for this position."

"Then why are you here Clarke? Get one of them to do it." He suggests with disinterest.

"I want it to be someone I trust." I need to make sure what happened with Titus will never happen again.

He snorts, "I'm honored, the great Wanheda trusts me. A mere mortal."

I roll my eyes, "do you want the job or not?"

"I'm in, at least for the wedding. After that we'll see how it goes and I'll let you know." That's good enough for now.

"Good, this book has everything in it that you'll need." I hand the stack of pages to him.

"Just a bit of light reading," he remarks sarcastically, taking it from me.

"I folded down the pages that you need to read before the ceremony."

"How complicated can it really be? Do you take Lexa to be your lawfully wedded wife? I do." He says in a poor imitation of my voice, "do you take Clarke to be your lawfully wedded wife? I do. Now you may play tonsil hockey, the end. I could do it in my sleep."

"There's passage reciting, branding, and some form of blood letting." I explain.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a good skim." He amends his earlier statement. "How long do I have?"

"Three days."

"Only you Clarke," he shakes his head.

"Thank you again, seriously. This means a lot." I take a step back.

"Yeah well it's not every day you get asked to officiate a wedding between the person who's body used you as a sex slave and your former nemesis so..."

"John, who's there?" A voice calls from somewhere behind him, derailing his train of thought.

"It's just Clarke, Em." Murphy replies.

"Is everything alright?" The dark haired girl steps into view.

"You've gotta hear this shit." He laughs as he turns to her.

.

.

.

.

The warm waters of the bath soothe my aching muscles. After the initial sting of my cuts has depleted I'm able to relax, resting my head against the lip of the tub. I dip my head under the water to wet my hair, massaging the soap into my scalp in lazy circles before rinsing it out. I ring the excess droplets out, letting the tresses fall limply over my shoulders. I'm in no rush to get out, my baths are few and far between given the current water storage situation. I miss showers, on the Ark I took one nearly every day without a single thought; never imagining there was a world where they didn't exist. When the water finally begins to chill I stand quickly, moving to wrap myself in the thick towel draped over the drying rack. Knocking over the copper vase beside it as I go. "Shit," I grumble, reaching down to collect it.

"Clarke?" Lexa calls from the next room, startling me so that I knock against yet another piece of furniture.

"I'm in the bathroom." I reply.

"Are you alright?" She asks.

"Yeah, just being clumsy as usual."

"Ok, stay where you are for a moment."

"Why, what's wrong?" I wonder.

"I didn't realize you'd be here. I went to have my dress fitted and didn't change out of it." She explains and I try to imagine her standing there in her elaborate dress, rushing to hide it from my prying eyes.

"It's really not a big deal Lex-"

"No, please," she cuts me off frantically. "It will only take a second, I don't want to curse our union."

"You didn't care two days ago if I saw it." I counter, picking a the thread near the top of the towel. It had probably been white at one time but now it's taken on a faded shade of gray.

"I had no knowledge of this tradition two days ago." Lexa shoots back, as if me omitting those details was some kind of betrayal.

"How'd you find out?" I switch from one leg to the other, growing more impatient by the second.

"Your mother came to see me." Wonderful.

"Oh, did she give you the birds and the bees talk?" I tease, a smirk pulling at the corners of my mouth.

"Why would we be discussing animals?" Oh my love, if you only knew.

"It's not actually about animals it's about..." I trail off, "never mind, are you done yet? I'm freezing to death."

"Come on out then," Lexa agrees finally.

I turn the corner quickly, desperate for warmth. Wasting no time with clothing I dive under the furs of our bed; curling them as tightly around myself as I can. Only my head visible as she turns to smirk at me, tying a loose knot at the front of her dressing robe. I shiver again, only this time not from the cold, instead from the knowledge that Lexa is wearing nothing underneath.

"How do you intend to survive the colder months here in Polis?" She arcs a dark brow at me.

"It gets colder?" I whine in disbelief.

"Yes." She shrugs.

"Is that why you have so many damn candles?"

"Don't you like my candles Clarke?" Lexa recoils like I've slapped her.

"Of course I like your candles, but surely you realize this is an excessive amount."

"I have never felt that way." She gapes, clearly upset that I've questioned her strange addiction.

"Forget about the candles." If that's even possible.

"Take that towel off before it wets the bed." Lexa instructs, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Uh uh." I shake my head at her.

"It will only make the cold worse, you understand that don't you?" She sounds equal parts entertained and annoyed.

"Come keep me warm," I pout, tossing the towel onto the floor.

"You are incorrigible Clarke Griffin." She chides, sliding under the covers with me. "I see you had time to continue your training with Indra. She'll make you a fine warrior." Her soft fingers trace over my newly acquired battle scars.

"Or kill me, I guess we'll just have to wait and see which." I relax under her touch.

"You're stronger than you think."

"I missed you today." I confess.

"And I you, Hodnes." Lexa moves her head beneath the covers to lay hot open mouthed kisses along the top of my rib cage, her nose brushing over the underside of my breasts.

"Oh," I groan as her mouth finds the bottom of my right breast, brushing her lips over the sensative skin just beneath my nipple. My left hand tangles in her hair, my right cupping her face, stroking over the skin of her cheek as my hips buck against hers. "Baby," I hum as she teases her index finger over the length of my slit. I feel her smile against my skin at the pet name before her mouth closes over my nipple, gliding her teeth over it. My legs tremble with anticipation of her next move, I nearly sob when practiced fingers part my folds, finding my clit in firm strokes.

"You're so wet Klarke," Lexa groans reverently, switching to my left breast to pay it equal attention.

"For you," I breathe, "always for you."

She moves then, leaving me breathless and needy as she hovers over me. Taking my right leg, bending it at the knee and spreading it far from my left, so that the outside of my leg is resting against the mattress. With my left she extends it so that it lies nearly flat on the bed.

"Ok?" She asks sweetly, untying her robe and abandoning it on the floor to join my towel.

"Ok." I smile up at her...this is interesting?

"Good." Her right leg comes up against mine, the front of her thigh pressed to the inside of my own. It's not until her opposite leg comes over mine that I realize exactly what she's doing. The wet, scalding heat of her brushing across my own need. This is it, Lexa is finally going to kill me.

"Fuck," I curse, she rests herself against me and I can feel every inch of her sex on mine.

"Is that a good fuck or a bad fuck?" The words falling from her mouth for the first time send a shiver through me.

"Lexa," I practically sob, "please." I grasp at her lower back, urging her to move because... "fuck." I cry out again.

"You feel so good." She pants heavily, still working herself over me, finger nails biting into the skin of my hips.

"Oh baby," I groan, tossing my head back into the pillows. "Lex-uh, please," I beg, not knowing if I want her to slow down or speed up.

"I'll take care of you," she gentles me, "anything you want Klarke," her lips are nipping at my ear, "anything you need, I will provide for you."

"Mmm."

"Do you like this Hodnes? Do you like it when every part of me is touching every part of you?" Lexa rasps out.

God, why does she have to choose this moment to start talking dirty? As if I'm not already hopelessly lost in her. I grab her forearms, leaving crescent moons with my nails. "Yes," I cry out. Finally her mouth is on mine, swallowing each sound I'm making and replacing it with her own. My hands move to her hair, taking root there, pulling and tugging, curling and releasing. I move my hips forward to meet her thrusts, brushing over my bundle of nerves with just the right amount of pressure. Lexa's head falls into the crook of my neck, her breath shooting across my skin in short puffs, holding me firmly to her, one hand clasping my hip, the other beneath my shoulders keeping me close. Lexa, oh Lexa, I love you...I _love_ you.

She lets out a tortured moan against my neck almost as if she can hear the fevered jumble of words inside my mind. My release crashes over me, radiating out from my core all the way to my toes and finger tips. I arch up into her, needing her to anchor me as I lose myself in the most intense orgasm I've ever had. "Oh my god Lexa," the force of it shakes my entire body, crashing over me in waves. Never seeming to stop, "oh my god!" My inner walls quivering with aftershock as Lexa tenses over me, finding her own pleasure, chanting out my name like a prayer. I twine my legs with hers tiredly, in no hurry for her to untangle us. "You've been holding out on me," I accuse as she melts into me; completely sated.

"I wasn't holding out," she laughs sleepily, "I was saving it."

"For what?" I smooth down her hair, unruly from all my tugging.

"Until you were ready."

"Don't you ever get tired of it?" I wonder, "don't you ever feel like maybe I'm not worth all this waiting around?" Lexa has been waiting for me since Finn, since that very first kiss in her tent before Mount Weather, maybe even before that.

She pulls back to look at me, tracing her thumb over my bottom lip, her gaze holding mine, "no." Lexa replies simply, "you are worth every second of this 'waiting around.'"


	9. We Bind Ourselves In Blood

**"Go on and tear me apart; I don't care if you do. Cause in a sky, cause in a sky full of stars, I think I saw you."**

 **~A Sky Full Of Stars By Coldplay**

(Clarke's POV)

"You're all done." Raven smiles, setting down the hair brush on the vanity. "Ten out of ten for sure. Lexa's gonna want to bang the shit out of you."

"Language Raven," my mother scolds.

"Right, sorry." Raven rolls her eyes, stepping back to admire her work.

I have to give her credit, my makeup is perfect and my hair is French braided at the crown and pinned over to one side. All my normal plats removed and my long blonde locks fall soft and shiny around my face.

"Time for the finishing touch," Mom says with new found excitement. Racing over to the closet she pulls out a white dress. It's beautiful but-

"Is this yours?" I run my fingers over the silken material.

"Yes." She nods.

"But how did you-"

"Lexa helped," Mom explains, "she hasn't seen it yet, but not for lack of trying."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I touch her cheek, thumbing away the tear there.

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Thank you." I breathe pulling her in for a hug. "It's beautiful, help me put it on." I pull away from her. It pools around my feet as I step into the soft fabric, pulling it up carefully and holding it against my chest so it doesn't fall as my mother does up the back.

"This used to be a zipper," she explains while lacing up the gown. "But since you're a little more endowed than myself Aria was able to give you a more room."

"Remind me to thank her." I take myself in, for the first time it all feels real. I'm getting married... to Lexa.

"Hey no crying," Raven bats at me. "You're going to ruin my masterpiece."

"You look so beautiful baby," Mom runs her hand over my arm soothingly.

"How long do we have before the ceremony starts?" I wonder.

"About fifteen minutes." Raven tells me and I feel the nerves start to kick in.

"Can you see if Lexa's ready?" I ask softly, "I just need to talk to her."

"Yeah, I'll send her over and Raven and I will head down to our seats."

"Ok." I nod.

Mom kisses my forehead and then turns to leave.

"Good luck Princess, you only get one shot at this. But you know, no pressure." Raven gives me a quick hug before following my mother out into the hallway.

When I'm alone it hits me, the crushing wave of panic. In less that fifteenth minutes I'm going to perform a binding ceremony in front of all thirteen clans, what if I mess up? What if I embarrass myself in front of all these people? What if I disappoint her?

"Clarke?" Lexa calls from the opposite side of the door.

"I'm here." I rush toward it, the sound of her voice calming my frazzled nerves.

"You sent for me. Is everything alright?"

"I think so, I just needed you." I ring my hands together.

She sighs longingly. "Are you very nervous my love?"

"No, I sweat like this all the time." I snark.

I don't have to see her to know she's smiling, "me too."

"Close your eyes ok?" I breathe, resting my hand on the cool metal door handle, "don't peek."

"They are closed." Lexa tells me.

I pull open the door, shutting my own eyes, and rush into her arms. They're open and ready, "how did you know that's what I was going to do?"

"I didn't but I hoped," she murmurs into my hair, "and if I was wrong you'd never know."

I melt into her embrace, her fingers dance over the exposed skin of my back, "next time I see you you'll be my wife." I remind her, "there's still time to chicken out."

"I want this Clarke, I will not 'chicken out'." Her quiet assurance helps warm my unbearably cold feet. "This will all be over soon and then we can indulge in a weeks worth of unabridged love making. What do you call it?"

"A honeymoon." I laugh.

"I can't wait for our honeymoon." She squeezes my hips playfully.

"Me either," I capture her wandering hands, "you're beautiful Lex."

"How do you know if you haven't seen me?" She chuckles accusingly.

"I don't have to see you to see you." It's the most complicated yet simple thing in the world. When I think about Lexa it doesn't matter if her eyes are green or brown, if her hair is light or dark, or if she's in this body or the last, because when I look at Lexa all I can see is her heart, her soul. And Lexa has the most beautiful soul.

"I have to get down stairs," Lexa presses her lips to my neck before pulling away, only our hands still connected, "it will look bad if we are late to our own wedding."

"I miss you already." I grip her fingers tighter before letting her slip away.

"Just for a minute, until we meet again." I hear her spin on her heels and leave me alone in the hallway.

"Until we meet again." I breathe, stepping back into the confines of our room, blinking rapidly at the tears that threaten to fall. There's a quick knock on the door, I close my eyes once more before answering. "Did you forget something?"

"Open your eyes sky girl, I have no time for you strange ways. While the Commander may find them charming, I do not." Way to rain on my parade.

Here we go, I sigh. "What the hell are you doing up here Echo?"

"Whatever game you're playing it ends today." She brushes past me to the center of the room.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I close the door behind her, in case of any nosey guests lingering in the hallway.

"Ok then. I suppose you also didn't send me this, is that right?" The queen sneers, waving a beige woven bracelet in my face.

I put my hand over hers, lowering it to her side before I bite it off. "I don't know what that is."

"Congratulations on your marriage, sorry I wasn't able to attend." She tossed the tiny piece of parchment at me, "best regards, the Commander of Death."

This is...I stalk over to my night stand, wretching open the top drawer and pulling out the note that was shoved in the box with Costia's necklace. They're almost identical.

"What are you doing?" She asks, peering over my shoulder.

"You sent this to yourself," I toss it back at her, "this is almost the God damned note, written on the same God damned paper. Now you tell me who's playing games."

"Perhaps I do have something to confess." Her gaze shifts restlessly, "I didn't send the necklace, neither did Roan. He hasn't seen it in months."

"You're lying." I step closer to her.

"Am I?" Her brows pull together.

"If you didn't send it why say you did?" I cross my arms over my chest in irritation.

"You don't believe me now, would you have believed me then?" Echo snaps.

"Probably not." I admit with a shrug.

"I need answers more than I need you to trust me." She says by way of explanation.

"Well?" I demand. "Do you have answers?"

"No," she shifts from her right foot to her left, "all I know is whoever sent these wanted Azgeda and Polis to be at odds."

"If we were watching each other nobody would be watching them." I sigh, it makes sense.

"Exactly, they're watching and they know too much. I believe you and I are being targeted more so than Roan and Lexa but I can't be sure." Echo makes herself at home ontop of the furs of our bed.

"Then what do we know for sure?" I run my fingers over my temples to calm the pounding that's taken root there.

"Each of these were sent as a gift to one of us from the other, each containing a note torn from the same paper, inside each was an article from our partner's past, and the owner of both items are dead." She narrows her eyes at me.

"Is the bracelet hers too?" I can't help but wonder "Costia?"

"No, this bracelet belonged to Roan's father." Echo toys with the token between her fingers.

"What happened to him?"

"It's not discussed much," she admits. "There was an alleged affair, a crime which is punishable by death should the spouse of the wrongdoer see fit. Nia took his head."

"Sounds like she had a thing for that." My brows raise of their own accord.

"That was her way." Echo nods simply.

"Maybe that's why it's not Roan's." I reply without a second thought.

"My husband will still take your head if the need arises. Do not be fooled into thinking otherwise." She scoffs.

"He could have killed me in Azgeda, he could have killed me when he found me on the run, he could have killed Bellamy when he found me and tried to set me free, you could kill me as soon as I opened the door but you didn't. He didn't. You're not bad people, you're just doing the best you can to protect Ice Nation. Sometimes that means killing, but you don't like it. That's the difference between you and Nia. You can still be ruthless, but you can't _only_ be ruthless. That's what makes you a good leader to your people. We can help each other. If this person wants us at each other's throats then we should be doing the exact opposite." I will her to understand, to take me seriously for once because I know I'm right.

"You are smart Clarke of the sky people, you have much to offer in your own bizarre fashion. For that reason I will accept this alliance."

(Raven's POV)

"Can you imagine if they had ushers at this thing?" I lean forward to see past Kyle beside me, down the row to Jessa aside of Bellamy.

"Excuse me miss, are you here for the bride or the bride? Skaikru or grounder? Heda or Wanheda?" She adds on.

"Isn't the point of this whole thing to get rid of sides? So we can all just be one people?" Bellamy narrows his eyes at her.

"You know what? Bellamy's right, this is gonna make us all one big happy family and maybe when it's over a rainbow will come shooting out of our ass." Kyle suggest sarcastically.

"Shut up." I elbow him hard in the ribs. "I think it's kind of romantic. Getting married by candlelight-"

"That's another thing we need to talk about," Wick interrupts motioning to the candelabras surrounding us, "this is a fucking fire hazard."

From the back of the large room the drums begin to sound, pounding loud in my ears and nearly causing me to jump out of my chair.

"Fuck," Jessa laughs, her hand flying up over her heart. "A little warning next time would be nice."

We redirect our attention toward the french doors at the entrance of the room.

"Yumi na teik won sonraun au?" The blonde woman beside the drum line starts to bellow.

"You think they'd have a translator." Bellamy whispers.

"We used to have a translator." I reply without thinking, Lincoln and what happened to him aren't exactly something anyone is comfortable talking about. Especially with Octavia gone.

"Bell she didn't mean-"

"It's ok." He cuts Jessa off, pulling away from her slightly.

"And will you take a life with me?" The woman behind us leans forward, speaking so only we can hear.

"Woah lady," I turn to her, "first off I don't know you like that. Second, if any of the guards hear you saying some shit like that we're all getting taken away in shackles."

"I apologize," she smiles like she's not a total creep, "you were asking for a translation, I was providing it."

"Oh, sorry," I shake my head, "thank you."

"You're welcome. It is nice to finally interact with Skaikru somewhere other than the battlefield." The woman leans back in her seat.

The song continues as Murphy comes down the center aisle, wearing a long, green, hooded cloak.

"Have you ever seen such a beautiful bride?" I tease, swiping away fake tears; earning me a few light chuckles. Once he stops behind the alter and the second verse begins, Lexa takes her turn down the walkway.

"Oh my god," Jessa breathes in disbelief, and I realize that this is the first time she's ever really seen Lexa, not just the Commander. Let alone Lexa in Ontari's body totally slaying.

"Well we all know who's getting Heda tonight," Wick smirks.

"Tonight the Commander of death becomes the Commander of that pussy," I murmur against his ear.

Kane clears his throat from across the pathway, signaling that he and Abby can hear every word. Good thing we're surrounded by mostly grounders and our wildly inappropriate, yet punny, sexual innuendos are going straight over their heads. I move my fingers to my lips, locking them shut and throwing away the key. We stop perving out just in time to see Clarke. All blue eyes and blonde hair, her mouth tugging up into a smile when she catches the first glimpse of Lexa, who's standing there gawking. Kyle laces our fingers together because he feels it too, the amount of undeniable love seeping into the room. The type of mushy, gushy, feels that make it seem like maybe soulmates do exist and sometimes we do get a happy ending. Clarke comes to stand in front of Lexa, seemingly holding her breath.

"We are gathered here tonight in the spirit of friendship and harmony, both sky people and grounders, to witness the unity ceremony of Leksa kom Trikru en Klark kom Skaikru. I, John Murphy, keeper of the flame, bless this union on behalf of the fallen Commanders. As we merge our lives and traditions the leaders before us have chosen to honor both Skaikru and grounder vows. Wanheda, please begin your oath of loyalty to the Commander."

Pressing the fabric of her dress behind her Clarke drops to her knees in front of Lexa. "I swear fealty to you, Leksa kom Trikru, to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, I take you to be my wife for as long as we both shall live."

"Do you accept this pledge?" Murphy turns to Lexa.

"I do." The brunette nods.

"Will you accept the brand of this union?" He asks.

"I will." She says with complete certainty.

"Clarke, please rise." Murphy instructs, taking handle of the long metal rod heating in the fire pit. Clarke looks like she might be sick as she grabs it from him, holding the glowing tip between them. Lexa nods, just get it over with. Clarke presses the burning metal into the skin over Lexa's heart. The searing sound it makes, coupled with the smell of her charring flesh, makes my stomach flip but Commander badass doesn't flinch, doesn't even make a sound. Her dark eyes intent on Clarke as the blonde's chest heaves rapidly. After a few seconds she removes the iron, the shape of it marked permanently on Lexa's chest. Clarke practically tosses it back to Murphy, as if holding it burnt her too. "Commander, please begin your oath of loyalty."

Lexa moves to kneel, causing hushed gasps and murmurs to erupt from the people around us. 'The Commander bows no one.' The Commander bows to her. Even Clarke looks surprised.

"I swear fealty to you, Klark kom Skaikru, to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people. I take you as my equal, my wife, my ally, and most trusted confidant. For all my life I will love you and only you. I will serve you and only you as long as we both shall live." Lexa vows, looking up at her from beneath thick, dark lashes.

"Do you accept this pledge?" Murphy repeats, this time to Clarke.

"I do." Clarke agrees.

"Will you accept the brand of this union?"

"I will." She's clutching Lexa's hands so tightly her white knuckles are visible from where we're sitting six rows back.

"Lexa, please rise."

"I can't watch." Jessa hisses, burying her face in Bellamy's chest. He smooths her blonde hair down, his own eyes trained on the floor.

I want to look away, I want to close my eyes, but for whatever reason I don't. I don't look away as the metal sends smoke up from Clarke's skin, I don't look away as she struggles in her attempt to stay still, I don't look away when the tortured cry she's been biting back slips past her lips. I don't look away until it's over and I wish I had.

(Clarke's POV)

I'm still reeling from the sting of the brand when screams erupt from the ground below us. I follow Lexa over to the window, staring down at the streets of Polis. The market carts have caught fire, the villagers like tiny ants beneath us. "What the hell is this?" I tug on her arm to get her attention.

"It appears our guests from Azgeda have finally arrived." Lexa's lips curl up over her teeth, enraged.

"We will not be subjected to these allegations," Echo protest, rising to her feet, "the king and I are here in good faith."

"We need to do something." I insist.

"We will," Lexa agrees, "do you trust me?"

"Yeah but-" I begin to argue.

"Guards take out these assassins." She instructs the armed men along the outer walls of the grand room.

"Sha Heda." They respond in unison.

"We need to finish this." Lexa tells me, taking my hand and guiding me back in front of the alter. "As the spirits of the Commanders before me have chosen me, my spirit has chosen you. Yu gada yu rein in kom ai sheidjus." You are worthy of my nightblood.

"Just as the Commander's spirits guide you, they will now guide me. Yu gada yu rein in kom ai skaijus." You are worthy of my sky blood.

"Oso tai choda kom op jus." We bind ourselves in blood, Lexa says as Murphy presents the dagger to her.

"Hod op." Shouts a woman in the row behind Raven and Wick, moving quickly to her feet and holding a blade against Bellamy's throat.

"State your name," Lexa growls, taking a protective step in front of me, poised and ready to attack.

"I don't answer to you." The woman scoffs in response.

"Clarke do it." Bellamy insists, his eyes glued firmly on Jessa.

"We need to finish this now." Murphy agrees.

"Do it and he dies Wanheda." The woman holding Bellamy sneers.

"Ok," I put my hands up, "nobody has to get hurt." I won't let anyone else die for me.

The doors at the entrance of the room swing open for a split second and then in the blink of an eye the woman in question is on the ground. "You talk too much," Octavia huffs, securing the intruders hands behind her back.

"O?" Bellamy stammers at the sight of her.

"Hey big brother," she smiles, helping him to his feet. "Miss me?"

"Every second," he pulls her in for a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I wasn't going to come, I guess my invitation got lost in the mail," Octavia turns to eye me accusingly as they pull apart. "But there's been talk all over about crashing the greatest wedding that's ever been, figured I'd tag along. Now I'm glad I did because someone needed to save your asses, you're welcome. I bought you some time but still, I'd hurry if I were you."

"Clarke." Lexa draws my attention as she makes a clean cut down the middle of her hand. "Oso tai choda kom op jus," she says before passing the blade over to me with a nod.

"Oso tai choda kom op jus." I slide the cool metal across my palm then press it firmly against Lexa's. We bind ourselves in blood.

"As the power of two now becomes one, the physical ties cease to bind, two souls forever entwined, no member of the living nor the dead shall separate this union." Murphy announces, its over. We did it.

Lexa leans in, cupping the back of my neck and kisses me once, softly. "This really is a beautiful dress." She sighs, pulling away and dropping to her knees, using the dagger to slit the dress, taking off a majority of the bottom length and discarding it behind us. "But as you've said, dresses are impractical in times over war." She repeats the action on her own gown. Each occupant of the room gathers the weapons they discarded upon entry. "Warriors of the thirteen clans, tonight we defend our land. We spare those who are willing to retreat in peaceful surrender, and put an end to those who will not."

"Someone has to stay with the prisoner." I remind her, as the people around us become more restless.

"I've got it covered," Raven says, "Jessa and I will stay here."

"We're with you." Bellamy tells me, loading up the magazine of his gun as Wick follows suit.

"I want answers, but if she gives you too much trouble don't hesitate to put her down." Before Raven has time to respond the soldiers are chanting, raising their weapons into the air in a battle cry.

"Jus drein jus daun! Jus drein jus daun! Jus drein jus daun!" I want to correct them, tell them that blood must not have blood.

"Your people are hungry for you to lead them." Echo reminds me. Sometimes blood must have blood, maybe there will come a day when that won't be true. We fight for that day, we hope for that day, but that day is not this one.

I draw my sword from my sheath, "together we lead our people."

Lexa nods tightly, making our way to the head of the group. "Masta ai aus." Follow me.


	10. Jus Drein Jus Daun

" **Don't fail me now, put your** **arms around me and pull me out. I know I'm found.** **With your arms around me, oh save me now."**

 **~Muddy Waters By LP**

(Lexa's POV)

"Clarke! Clarke!" I turn to my left, how far could she go? She was just here, I break out into a sprint, desperately searching for any sign of her.

"Heda, hod op." A voice from the masses calls my attention.

"Indra," I make my way toward her, weaving through the crowd. "I'm looking for Clarke have you seen her?"

"She was with Echo, they got cornered by attackers from the east woods." Roan interrupts.

"Which way did they go?" I demand.

"We're needed near the market place, assassins are flooding in, these people here trade goods for a living. They've had only minimal training; they're not warriors, your people need you on the front lines of this battle." He's right, I know I can not be selfish.

"But Clarke-" it always comes down to that, to her.

"Echo is the daughter of Azgeda's most ruthless war chief." The king reminds me, "your bride will be safe."

"You expect me to trust her with Clarke's life when little over a week ago Echo expressed a desire to kill her? I trust the Queen less than I trust you and believe me that isn't much." I sneer.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it appears you lack critical communication skills with your beloved wife." His tone is amused, only serving to agitate me farther.

"What do you mean?" I snap, I have no time for games.

"Echo didn't send the necklace."

"Explain." I bare my teeth as the heavy clunking of metal against metal continues.

(Clarke's POV)

"We can't just leave them!" I fight against Echo's hold as she shoves me into the alleyway.

"We don't have a choice, we're pinned down. The archers are trained on us, we go out there and we're as good as dead." She reminds me.

"So we hide here while our people fight and die for us?" I spit back.

"Soldiers are expendable, this is their duty." Echo says in a hushed tone.

"That's bullshit and you know it." I reach for the lifeless body just inches beyond my fingertips, to take his shield I'd have to expose myself to the archers. "Screw it," I huff.

"Right now they think we're dead," she pulls me back, "if they see you-"

"If you want to be a coward that's up to you," I break free from her hold once more. "I'm getting up on that ledge and taking out the shooters. My people are not expendable, Lexa is not expendable. Just because you'd be better off if Roan bites the dust-"

"Get on with it then," Echo rolls her eyes, "up onto the ledge to meet our certain fate all in the name of love and righteousness."

"That's the spirit." We dart quickly between buildings, making our way toward the archers. I've never really accosted anyone before. Mount Weather was different, Mount Weather was a single gun shot to the president and the pulling of a lever. It wasn't myself and one other person up against six with nothing but swords and hand to hand combat.

"Don't tell me you've lost your nerve now." Echo whispers before charging the men with her blade drawn.

Disarm your attacker, I recall my training with Indra. Following the Queen up onto the ledge to meet my certain death.

"Wanheda." The man closest to me says when he spots me, "remember our orders we take them alive, we take them unharmed."

"Orders from who?" I ask as our swords meet.

"You will see soon enough." He replies shortly.

I put up a good fight, but I'm not Echo. I can't kill three warriors in the time it takes the first to hit the ground and more of the intruders have begun to circle like vultures. There's no way I can win, I know that but it doesn't matter as long as I can take down enough of them to keep Lexa safe.

"Let us guide you." I feel the familiar tinkle of voices inside my head. It shouldn't be possible, I haven't encountered the Commander's spirit since the flame was removed from me. I push my questions aside and let go of all my doubts, allowing the spirit to lead my movements. My body is my own, my thoughts are my own but somehow my mind is sharper. My thoughts are clearer, keenly focused, and aware; just like when the chip was a part of me in the city of light. A moment of clarity in the midst of total chaos. One of the four remaining archer pulls his bow taut, Lexa in his sight.

"Lexa!" I call out for her, willing her to hear me over the roar of battle. Somehow she does, her body spinning to face me. The action causing the arrow to miss her, by a fraction of an inch, and take root in Roan's chest instead.

He groans, clutching at his wound.

"Roan!" Echo momentarily pausing her movements, giving the assailant the upper hand.

"Yu gonplei ste odon, Leksa kom Trikru." The same archer reaches for another arrow.

Like hell it is. I break free from my attacker's hold with a strength I didn't know I possessed; swinging my blade down and severing his head in one clean stroke. Jus drein jus daun. I move to the next before he has a chance to fire, running him through without much resistance. Jus drein jus daun. The mantra repeats, almost as if I'm dreaming. Watching a horror movie in which I'm the mass murderer, my body betraying me; commanding me. Jus drein jus daun. I swing until my arms are sore. Jus drein jus daun! Until blood rains down over me. JUS DREIN JUS DAUN!

"Clarke stop!" Lexa pulls me free from the screaming inside my head.

I pause, the end of my sword resting against her throat, "I-"

"Jus nou drein jus daun," she says softly. Placing her hand over the blade and lowering it from her neck.

"I didn't mean to." I let the sword clatter to the ground amidst the pile of mangled bodies. "They were a threat, they were going to hurt you and I-" I lost control, lost control to my instincts, to the Commander's spirit, to Wanheda. As much as I want to believe I didn't mean to kill these people, there was a part of me, a big part, that did mean to.

"It's ok Klark," she moves to cup my face in her hands, pressing her lips to mine like I'm the most precious thing in the world, holding me against her as if I'm not a monster, but I am.

"I tried to be the good guy," I murmur, my words getting lost in her hair as I stand, swaying in her embrace. "I tried to do the right thing and I...I didn't have to kill them. I could have just done enough to stop them instead of killing them but I wanted them to die. I wanted to feel their blood on my hands, I wanted to punish them." Her lips finding the skin of my neck in quick succession is too sweet and I want to tear them away but I can't.

"The Commander's spirit has a harsh pull at first, especially if you're not prepared. Their duty is to protect me, I should have been with you." Only Lexa would blame herself for my crimes. "I had no idea that our binding ritual would cause you to ascend, I should have known. The ascension heightens all of your scenes, your emotions, your strengths, everything that is already a part of you is magnified. I'm sorry Clarke, as you are not the first Wanheda I assume they will speak through you a bit more potently."

Yeah, no shit. "There was another Commander of death?"

"We will discuss this later ai hodnes." She pulls away from me, tugging my hand in an effort to have me follow her. "There is much to be done still and-"

"Lexa wait, what aren't you telling me?" I stay rooted firmly in place.

"Each Commander makes a name for themselves depending on how they rule during their time as Heda. As you've heard I am Commander of the blood, before me was the Commander of pain, before him was the Commander of fate, and proceeding her was the first Commander of death. The title Commander has never been granted to someone who does not possess the flame, until now. Such powers are not to reside within more than one being, old tradition would demand one of us kill the other. But I am Commander now and you are my wife, we will make new traditions."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I gape at her in disbelief.

"I will never harm you and you will never harm me so why burden you with that knowledge?"

"That's what you meant? When I was holding that knife to your throat after Mount Weather and you said you never meant to turn me into this. You never meant to turn me into Wanheda because if you did-" My stomach rolls at the realization, "you shouldn't have asked me to stay in Polis once you knew, you should have sent me away."

"I had feelings for you Clarke," she sighs, "they did not simply go away because of a title you acquired."

"I didn't have control over anything just now, what if that happens again? What if I hurt you?" I couldn't live with myself.

"You won't." Lexa shakes her head, "your free will is strong. You were angry but you were still yourself. Even in your rage, you didn't kill me."

"The point is that I could have." I argue.

"But you didn't, you are in control, no one but you. I will help you, I swear it. I will teach you how to wield the spirit. Meditation helps-"

"How is it that you're totally unfazed by all this?" I cut her off, crossing my arms over my chest. My blood covered skin sticking together.

"I know your heart Clarke, you are mine and I am yours, that is where my interests lie; not in an outdated notion decided upon before you and I were even born."

"You should have told me, you can't just take my choices away!" I feel like a child, wanting to scream and holler and stomp my feet in frustration.

"I'm giving you a choice now, have your feelings changed? Do you love me still? Or will you strike me down?"

"Lexa, stop," my temples throb and my heart aches.

"My intention is never to harm you Clarke. But I assume you already know that."

"What happened to the other assassins?" I change the subject.

"They fled," she swallows, composing herself as we switch gears. "The few we were able to capture are being held for questioning."

"How many of our people were killed?" I wonder.

"No casualties," Lexa tells me, "over three dozen wounded."

"What type of assassins leave without causing any casualties?"

"Perhaps they were only here to stop the wedding, cause a distraction, make a scene. Besides once you took out the archers they were outnumbered, not to mention Skaikru weapons were being used." Guns, these people aren't used to guns.

"It just seems off." I scan the area around us, people have begun to gather. They want answers, we have none.

"I agree," she nods, "unfortunately we have more pressing matters to attend to than an ill advised attempt to prevent our union."

"Maybe it's all connected, whoever sent me the necklace-"

"Heda! Come, quickly." A voice sounds from below, it's one of Lexa's guards.

"What is it?" She jumps down from the ledge, reaching up to catch my waist as I come down behind her. Insuring that I don't fall as if it's second nature. I want to tell her to get off, that I'm still pissed and that I don't need her but there's too many people around, and I do need her.

"The prisoner being held by the two women of Skaikru has escaped." Oh no, Raven and Jessa.

"Are they hurt?" I take a step toward the informant.

"Each suffered mild trauma to the head, both are awake." At least they're ok, maybe the woman said something while they were holding her, something useful. But that can wait until morning.

"Was anything taken?" Lexa asks, as we make our way back to the Polis tower and into the lift.

"From the initial sweep all that appeared to be disturbed was the Commander's chambers. The bedroom particularly, furniture flipped, the furs have been stripped, and nearly all of the clothing belonging to Klark kom Skaikru has gone missing." Why? Why would someone take my clothes?

"What the hell were they doing?" I breathe, my skin crawls.

"The dagger from the ceremony...has it been moved?" Lexa shifts uncomfortably.

"The alter was untouched."

Lexa nods, breaking her careful composure to wrap me in her arms, her lips burying themselves in my hair. "No harm will come to you."

"I know." I lean into her, content to just be held until we reach our floor. I can be mad later, I tell myself, I can be angry once she's safe.

"Come Clarke," Lexa takes my hand, guiding me down the familiar hallway. "We will sleep in the room you occupied during your stay here until our quarters have been returned to normal."

"Why would someone take my clothes?" I plop down on the bed unceremoniously as soon as the door swings open. "Our bed sheets? This feels too personal Lex, this isn't politics it's something else."

"I don't want you to worry." Lexa runs her fingers over my scalp as she comes to stand above me, strong legs bracketing mine. "We will get this straightened out. I'll have a bath prepared for you, go relax." She tries to shoo me toward the bathroom where the handmaids busy themselves preparing the water.

"Please," I cry out, sounding so needy and desperate I startle myself, "don't leave."

She raises my hand to her lips, "you need to bathe Clarke. You'll feel better."

"Stay." I try a second time, moving to my feet.

Lexa nods her consent. "Turn around, let me unlace your dress."

"Are you afraid of me?" I ask.

"No." She replies.

The maids, Livia and Jae, scurrying out of the room without a word, their task complete and their eyes trained on the floor.

"What I've done is-" Repulsive, disgusting, unforgivable.

"If you're looking for someone to judge you you will not find it with me." She silences me, brushing my matted hair off to my left shoulder. Resting her forehead on the back of my neck as she loosens the dress enough that it falls to the ground. "If what you want is anger you will not receive it here. I have so many regrets when it comes to you Clarke, so many things I wish that I could change, things that you have since forgiven me for but I remember...I remember the look in your eyes when I've betrayed you-"

"You were afraid to tell me about the Commander of death because you thought I would look at you like that again." I turn to her in only my underwear but she never looks away from my eyes.

"I didn't tell you because I had no reason to believe you'd have contact without the flame. No Commander has taken a houman, I'm sorry. I truly didn't know." To be Commander is to be alone, that's what they're taught. That's all they know.

"I just keep thinking that maybe if I'd known I could have done something. Maybe all those people didn't have to die." My fingers itch for the soft skin of her back, fumbling with the zipper.

"You can not punish yourself for that." Lexa cups my chin, always so gentle with me. So unbearably tender that a single tear slips from my eye falling onto my cheek.

"I don't want to be the woman who takes lives, I want to be the woman who saves them." I confess as she catches that same tear with her lips. Only it's not a single tear, it's one and then another and another. Until I'm sniffling and snotting and the whole embarrassing shebang but she kisses me anyway. Her hands holding me steady, fingers carding my hair and dancing over the skin of my hips.

"So you shall be. Anything you want Clarke, anything you need, I will provide it for you." She repeats the words she's spoken a million times. This is the magnitude of her fealty.

"And what do I provide you in return?" What could I possibly offer that would ever be enough?

"You." She says simply, "you provide me with you. That's all I've ever wanted, from the moment I laid eyes on you. The ground fell in love with the sky. You're the one," _who burned three hundred of my warriors alive_.

"You're the one," _who sent them there to kill us_.

"The water will grow cold." Lexa reminds me, guiding us into the washroom and stepping into the tub. "Let me take care of you."

(Lexa's POV)

Sometimes I just want to kiss you. Nothing more, nothing less; just to press my lips to your own and feel you. To know that you are are real, that you are here with me. To know that you love me and that you'll never leave. To know that I'm a part of you and that I am good enough. To feel like I do not always have to be on control, to feel like love is not weakness, but rather incredible strength. To feel you bring color to my world and meaning to my life, making me better than I was and more than I am or ever hoped to be. Sometimes I just want to kiss you Clarke. I want my life to be about more than just surviving, that's what kissing you feels like. But this is not one of those times, I want something more. I crave it like an addict craves a drug, so I gentle you with kisses. I warm you with my words, I love you Clarke but I am greedy, greedy for more than just a kiss. I rinse her hair with practiced hands, I wash away the day. The good, the bad, the in between joining the cloudy water surrounding us. And after I've had my turn, my skin clean and fresh she comes to straddle my hips because she is greedy too, for more than just my lips. I slide my fingers over the taut muscles of her thighs, dipping between us to reach her folds.

"Lexa...oh Lexa." Clarke nudges my cheek with her nose, effectively distracting me from my train of thought.

"Yes Clarke?" I pant, sliding a single finger into her need, up to the hilt. Feeling her walls clench around my digit, attempting to pull me deeper.

"I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I-mmm you make me ahhhh-" she trails off as I begin to thrust into her in earnest.

"I know, my darling," I can't help but chuckle, "I know."

"And I need you to know that I- fuck-" She tries again, still unable to articulate.

"Yes sweetheart, I know." I lay kisses along her jawline, attempting to quiet her mind.

"You make me so- ooohhhh-"

"Shhh." I insist adding a second finger, curling them upward as she bucks into my hand.

"Please just let me...uuunnnggghhh-" She is both adorable and unbelievably sexy all at the same time.

"Hush, I hear you." I assure her and finally she listens, her head resigning to my shoulder, whimpering against my neck as she rides my fingers. Taking her own pleasure, "you're so beautiful." She trembles then, her inner walls flutter, toes curling just below my knee and I know she's right there. Her teeth sinking into the skin of my collarbone to stifle her sounds of pleasure, but tonight I'm having none of it. "Cum for me Klark of the sky." And she does, wailing out all sorts of profanities, declaring her love for me, and reminding all of Polis just how much I love her. It's inappropriate and filthy, and oh so Clarke; I have never loved her more.

(Echo's POV)

The curtain separating the room from the balcony flaps open, Roan appearing from behind it.

"Are you going to jump?" He asks teasingly.

"Not quite," I smirk, "although I must confess, I thought of it after the past twenty minutes of nonstop screaming."

"Sounds like we're missing out." He nods toward the floor above us.

"Is everything alright with Skaikru?" I broach a subject that doesn't cause my stomach sour.

"You almost make it sound like you care." He moves, leaning heavily against the wall beside me.

"We both know that's not the case." I scoff, turning my gaze away from him.

"Are you alright?"

"Now it almost sounds as if you care." Love has no place in leadership. Love is weakness, the same sentiment has been beaten into me from the time I was a child. "There are hundreds of women across the land more than willing to take my place. They could produce an heir just as well as I could."

"I was worried about _you_ , Echo." Please don't.

"You promised, promised me that this wouldn't happen. That there wouldn't be feelings. I don't like feelings Roan, they make me uneasy."

"Are there feelings? For me?" His tone is indifferent.

"No." I lie and he grins, the cocky bastard grins at me.

"I heard the way you called out for me after the arrow fired. It was the same way Clarke called out for Lexa. Then I was running, not sure where I was going or what I might find when I got there, I just knew that I had to find you. That I had to follow the sound of your voice, come what may." The confession rolls so easily off his tongue that it startles me in it's certainty.

"I don't know what else you want from me. I can't give you what you want, if what you desire is affection, I don't know how to provide that." I am a warrior, I am a Queen, I am a killer.

"Would you like to learn?" Roan is testing the waters.

"If that is what you ask of me." I nod, he is my King. I tell myself, this is my duty. Only it's not just a duty, it's a desire; both his and mine.

He leans down to capture my lips with his; he has never done that before without the intention of removing my clothes, "this scares you. Have you not felt me move within you? Yet you are fearful of a kiss. Why?"

"You know why." I brush him off because I want this too badly. Just let me pretend I don't.

"I want to hear you say it." Roan insists.

"Because...there are feelings, for you." We've gone too far and I know there's no going back.

"See? That didn't hurt did it?" He muses.

"Yes," I argue, in nothing more than a whisper, "yes it did."

"It doesn't have to be painful, it can be easy. If you allow it to be." How? How can you just let all of it go? How can you be so free?

"Teach me," I relent, leaning forward to press my lips to his once more, "perhaps it's not too late to learn."

"When a maaaaannnn loves a woman!" Someone from the floor below us bellows out, affectively causing us to jump apart.

"Shut up Raven." A second voice responds.

"My bad," she clears her throat before beginning again, "when a womaaaannnn loves a woman!"

"Does she mean to make our ears bleed?" I turn to Roan with both hands closed over my eardrums for protection.

"I believe she thinks that's singing." Laughter rumbles deep in his chest.

"There is something very wrong with these sky people." I sigh in exasperation.


	11. SOS (Part One)

**"We say goodbye in the pouring rain and I break down as you walk away. Stay, stay. For all my life I've felt this way but I could never find the words to say; stay, stay."**

 **~Stay By Hurts**

(Clarke's POV)

"Klark, beja, em pleni." Lexa pants, lightly tugging on my hair to get my attention.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I murmur, laying open mouthed kisses up her torso toward her mouth.

"I'm spent," she flushes, burying her face in her hands, "I can't find release again."

"Not with that attitude," I click my tongue at Lexa playfully, coming to lie beside her. As much as I'd like to keep doing what I'm doing, I suppose four orgasms is enough. Not that I keep score really, but I like to make her cum just as many times as I have, and when she lets me, even more. Lexa rolls from her back to face me, our noses brushing against one another at our proximity.

"I only have the night with you," her breath warms the skin of my cheeks as she speaks. "I don't want to spend it all with you between my legs, I want to be near you."

"We can do both," I brush the dampened hair from her face. Tomorrow morning I leave for a week, seven days where I'll be in Arkadia and she'll be here. This is the first time we've been apart since Roan brought me here. "Anything you want Lexa," I kiss her forehead, "anything you need, I will provide it for you."

"That's my line." She pouts with an adorable glare.

"Yeah well, it's a good line, so consider it stolen." I smile, moving to rest my head on her chest. Delicate fingers, weaving through my hair, caressing my spine and shoulders in turn. "What are you thinking about?"

"You," she grins, eyes closed, as I peek up at her. "You have this wonderful effect that allows me to think about absolutely nothing but you."

I thumb the skin around her nearly healed brand, pressing my lips to it softly. "I love you Lexa."

"I love you too." She sighs contently. It's not an exchange of words we share often, because those have never seemed like the right words. The way I feel for her is more than love, more than any word in my language or hers.

"I hate this," I confess, drawing lazy circles over the supple skin of her abdomen with my index finger.

"This will pass Clarke, then you will come home to me." She replies with a light yawn. Don't sleep Lex, I miss you already, but I can't bring myself to stop her. Instead I listen to the slow of her breathing, her hold on me loosening as she slips away to a dream filled slumber, and I cry myself to sleep.

(Lexa's POV)

"Are you sure you haven't forgotten anything?" I help Clarke load her belongings onto the horse drawn cart that will accompany her to Arkadia.

"You're stalling," she accuses, narrowing those blue eyes at me.

"I want to be sure you have everything you'll need." My fingers brush over hers as I hand my wife her sketchbook.

"I won't have everything," she says pointedly, leaning in for a kiss, "but I have to go," Clarke murmurs against my mouth, catching my bottom lip between hers.

"Yes you do." I pull her closer, cupping the back of her neck.

"One week," she slips her tongue into my mouth.

"We've gone longer," I remind her, although it seems impossible now.

"That was before." She pecks the corners of my mouth.

"Before what?" I draw her back in for a slow, lingering kiss.

"Before I started waking up to you every morning and going to bed with you every night. Before I needed you this much." Clarke lets out a shuttering breath that is nearly my undoing.

"May we meet again." I say without thinking.

"No," she protests, tangling her fingers deeper in my hair. "No more goodbyes, only see you laters."

"I'll see you later, Clarke." I nod, with a sad smile, "and I will miss you, more than you'll ever know."

"I wish you could come." She brushes her thumbs over the apples of my cheeks.

"I wish you could stay." I shrug, leaning into her caress.

"I'll radio once I get there." Finally we break apart as she mounts her horse, reaching down to twine our fingers together one last time.

"I'll be waiting impatiently," I confirm. "Now go, before I change my mind about letting you leave." Stay Clarke, just stay.

"I'll see you soon, baby." She gives my hand a finally squeeze, before releasing her hold. _Come._ She pleads with her eyes.

"I'll see you." _Stay_. But I know she can't.

(Clarke's POV)

After one of the shortest conversations I've ever had with Lexa, I abandon the radio in my guest room on the Ark with the rest of my belongings. Saving the unpacking for later, if at all. If we're being honest I'm eager to leave behind the white walls and silent loneliness of a room without Lexa.

"There she is," Raven greets me as I round the corner. "The prodigal princess returns. How was the honeymoonage?"

"Not long enough," I sigh, picking at the scrap metal sitting on top of her table.

"Well, I think I have some news that'll make your trip worthwhile." Raven says, in an attempt to make me slightly less miserable.

"Lay it on me." I reply with forced enthusiasm, fake it till you make it.

"Alpha station." She smiles, holding her hands out, like she's just solved the world's greatest mystery.

"Yep, this is alpha station." I nod patiently, "ready to tell me the good news?"

"Once we can patch up the walls, we are standing in our sustainable vessel. It was built to withstand radiation, black rain, full blown zombie apocalypse, you name it." Raven ticks off on her fingers.

"How many people can we sustain?" I wonder.

"With the provisions we have, if we cram in like sardines, one meal per person, every other day; somewhere around five hundred people." Her dark eyes light up. There's still too many people, that only saves Skaikru, no room for anyone else.

"And the water?" I press on, "have we come up with a solution for that?"

"There's a hydro-generation on farm station." Wick tells me.

"What are you waiting for then? Why isn't it here?" I arch a brow at the pair of them.

"Farm station landed in Ice Nation, no one's been back since." Raven explains, absently toying with the ends of Kyle's hair.

"Azgeda is part of the coalition, they won't hurt you." I assure them.

"Yeah, well nobody's trying to get their head chopped off over grounder politics, so we waited to talk to you first." The brunette shrugs, ponytail swaying slightly around her shoulders.

"I appreciate that." I thrum my fingers over the metal tabletop, "I'm going to be around more, a lot more."

"Define more." Raven narrows her eyes at me.

"Every other week." I chew anxiously at the inside of my cheek, saying it out loud makes it real. I'll just have to get used to it.

"For how long?" Her forehead creases, sensing my unease.

"Until this whole thing is over." I swallow against the dryness in my throat. "Lexa can't exactly travel from Polis at the drop of a hat, since I'm already an elected ambassador of Skaikru, it only made since for me to come instead. I meant it when I said I didn't ditch Arkadia, I know some people don't even like the idea of me here. But you're our people, we won't abandon you."

"People are dumb Clarke," Raven rolls her eyes at the statement. "Haters gonna hate. Fuck em."

"Fuck them." I agree wholeheartedly.

"I hear fucking." Jessa pops her head into the room, before the rest of her follows in her gear, with Bellamy in toe.

"You heard the word fuck, not actual fucking you pervert." Wick chastises.

"Same difference," she shrugs, long blonde hair held away from her heart shaped face in a french braid. "I hope you don't mind a couple extra hands, Bell and I invited Monty and Harper to tag along. And then they asked Miller and Bryan."

"Let me be clear here," Bellamy interjects with a chuckle, "there was no 'Bell and I' she did this herself."

"Taddletail," Jessa crosses her arms over her chest as Bellamy grins down at her indulgently.

"That's fine," I nod, it's probably heavy anyway.

"Are we about ready to move out?" Miller asks, as he and Bryan join us in the room.

"Ready as we'll ever be." Harper replies, slinging a gun over her shoulder.

"Remember the machine is filled with hydrazine, that mixes with oxygen to make water, so you have to be careful when moving it or-"

"It'll go boom, we know." Monty cuts the mechanic off.

"Besides they'll have me," Kyle adds, "you know the brilliant engineer who thought of this?"

"I know you're not trying to take all the credit-" Raven begins to drag him up one side and down the other.

He cuts her off with a chaste kiss, "I was kidding. Don't pop a blood vessel."

"No promises," she smiles blindingly, "be safe ok?"

"Always am." He salutes her with a wink.

"Alright lets go people, we're burning daylight." Bellamy says, slapping the hood of the rover twice.

(Lexa's POV)

"Thank you for agreeing to this on such short notice." I usher Roan into the throne room.

"I have no interest in being burned alive, so I am more than willing to help with anything that allows me to avoid that fate." He nods dismissively.

"My presence has been requested by Floukru, they are in need of assistance. With Clarke gone, and John Murphy so new to his role as flamekeeper, I'm asking you to step in." I say by way of explaination.

"Even with Echo in Ice Nation, me in Polis, you in Floukru land, and Clarke in Arkadia there's still not enough hands to go around. If things begin to crumble in the other nine clans-"

"I understand your concerns," I cut him off, there's not a single scenario he could voice that I haven't already been over a hundred times in my own head. "There are others I can call upon, should the need arise. But for now let's hope all the clans do not require us at once. Marcus is here as well as Indra and Octavia, they will help keep things in order. However these are my executive orders should something unforeseen come along. I should be back within the week."

"What's the urgency of Luna's claims that has you rushing out?" Roan stops me before I have the chance to take my leave.

"The fish are dying." I reply, without dropping my fingers from the door knob.

"Sometimes they do." The confused tone in his voice letting me know he's not fully understanding.

"All of the fish." I elaborate.

"Impossible." He stammers, shifting restlessly behind me.

"That's why I'm going to see for myself before we spark more of a panic. Only the ambassadors of the clans know the magnitude of the situation at hand. If word of this gets out...who's to say what will happen." I await his response.

"Go then," Roan agrees, "I will handle things here until your return."

(Clarke's POV)

"Looks like the ship is occupotto." Monty announces, staring through the scope of his riffle.

"If it's only the guys who attacked us before, with our guns we can take them." Bryan adds.

"I'm sure we could, but we're not here to fight." Bellamy stops him before I get a chance. I turn to him, exchanging a nod of understanding.

"They slaughtered us, grounders are killers, all of them." Bryan goes on.

"Even if that were true," I turn on him, "we're not here for a personal vendetta." The fact that I have to remind him of that makes me question why he's here at all. "We're here to get that machine and save lives. And if that's not why you're here, you should have just stayed home."

"I don't know who you think you are Clarke, and I don't give a damn about who you're married to; you turned your back on us for a grounder. Then you come marching into camp like you're some kind of hero, wearing your grounder armor, flaunting your cattle mark," he motions to the brand, peeking out from my top. "Maybe some people are ok with that, maybe some people take orders from you, but I don't. I never have and I'm not about to start now."

"Um guys." Harper draws our attention, hands held up, as the archer behind her keeps his bow trained on her back.

"Lower your weapons." The dark haired woman beside him orders. From the markings I can only assume that they either are Ice Nation or had been at one time.

"Everybody just stay calm and do what they say." Bellamy drops his gun to the ground in front of him.

I take a step toward her slowly. "We're here under the Commander's protection, with the King and Queen's consent. We mean you no harm, we were misinformed about farm station being vacant."

"This is Azgeda territory and everything on our land belongs to us." She halts my movement, having the archer turn his aim on me.

"We're here to get something from inside the ship," I explain, casting a glance over my shoulder, "a machine. Like I said your Queen is aware, if you take us to her she can confirm that, we'll get what we came for and then we'll go."

"Take their weapons," shit, "it's time for these intruders to meet the war chief."


	12. SOS (Part Two)

Hi guys, I just want to make sure you know that you're awesome. The last chapter got over five hundred views in under two hours! To me that's a lot idk lol. Either way thanks for following, and favoriting and even the guests who are just reading the chapters as they come, you have no idea how happy that makes me to see that people like this story. So yeah, read, enjoy, drop me a review if you have time. I'm dying to hear what you guys are thinking!

 **I can feel the darkness coming, and I'm afraid of myself. Call my name and I'll come running, cause I just need some help.**

 **~Help By Hurts**

(Clarke's POV)

We're escorted, actually it's more like shoved, through the doors of farm station.

"Since when are grounders able to power up a space ship?" Monty whispers, taking in the lights on the ceiling, illuminating the hallway around us.

"Quiet." Our captor snaps, badgering us through a second set of doors. There's people lining the walls, working frantically over their assignments, wrists shackled together. "Slaves, keep your eyes on the floor." Upon closer examination, I realize that I know the boy at the far left workstation, someone I haven't seen since the Ark was still in space. Someone I assumed was dead; Riley.

"Hello Wanheda," a new voice greets me. I turn toward the sound, just in time to see the woman from the wedding make her entrance; drawing her hood back over her dark hair. She can't be much older than my own mother, but the Azgeda scars on her face age her beyond her years. "I'm afraid we haven't been properly introduced, my name is Cleo."

"I would say it's nice to meet you, but we've already met and if memory serves, it wasn't all that pleasant." I take a step toward her.

"What a cheeky little plaything Lexa has chosen." The mousy haired woman smiles, "won't you join me? I think we best speak in private. Your attendants may take their machine, all else inside the ship belongs to be. Yourself included; you're quite the bargaining chip."

"And what exactly are you looking to trade me for?" I narrow my eyes at her.

"You shall see, all in good time." Cleo assures me, her hand pressed to the small of my back, guiding me away from the slaves and the machine.

"Take it," I turn to Bellamy with pleading eyes, "get the generator out of here and save our people."

(Octavia's POV)

"Are you sure?" My head spins. "Are you positive it couldn't be anything else?"

"Sha Octavia, this is no mistake." The healer confirms, turning her back on me to return the supplies to her kit. Then making her way back over to me with an herbal packet in hand.

"What's this?" I ask, taking it from her and examining the contents between my fingertips.

"Let it dissolve in a cup of boiling water, drink it down. The taste is unpleasant but it will take care of the problem."

Take care of it? "This will-"

"Yes, you caught it early enough. A week later and the tea would have been ineffective." She explains kindly, and I wonder how many people she's helped, 'take care' of their problems.

"Thank you," I stash it in my back pocket. Whether or not I'll use it, I'm not sure. If I take it...could I live with that? And if I don't-

"Indra, I need to see Octavia." Kane. Fuck. I gather myself, sliding my sword to its sheath behind my back.

"She isn't feeling well," Indra says, in a hushed tone, "the healer is there with her. Now may not be the best time." Did she hear? Does she know?

"This is as good a time as any." I step out from the tent, looking between them.

"There's an issue with the new ambassador of Trishanakru. Roan's asked me to speak with him." Marcus speaks first.

"What kind of issue?" I square my shoulders as Indra eyes me knowingly.

"Rafel intends to challenge the King for position of caretaker of the throne. He wouldn't be able to calm full leadership of Polis, unless he challenges the Commander directly, but right now the last thing we need is further unrest." Kane elaborates.

"Lead the way." It hasn't even been a full day yet and we're already fighting to keep things in order.

(Bellamy's POV)

We move up to the second level, carefully starting to unhook the hydro-generator from the hub and metal tubing it's connected to. With the dark haired girl who dragged us here watching on all the while. "We need to get into the city, Roan and Echo can do something about this."

"I'm not leaving without Riley." Bryan protests, "and regardless of whatever Clarke's done...I'm not going without her either. It's wrong."

"If we're being honest, it doesn't seem like these people are too worried about anything the 'queen' or 'king' has to say." Harper offers, holding a second wrench toward Monty.

"I agree with Bellamy, we try diplomacy first." He takes the tool from her, using it to loosen the nut at the top of the machine. "If that doesn't work, we come back with reinforcements after we get the machine out of here. It's what Clarke wants."

"I hate this plan," Jessa brushes past me to the opposite side of Wick, "we can't just leave Clarke and Riley here."

"Are there any other exits?" Wick says, around the screwdriver between his teeth.

"This ship fell from space, it's locked up tight." Miller shakes his head, "there's no other exit."

"Unless..." Harper breathes, her eyes locking with Jessa's. An idea being exchanged between them silently.

"Unless what?" I lean in closer, as not to be overheard.

"We have a bomb." Bryan says, clearly catching on before I do.

"The end of the world is coming, this machine saves all of our people, and you want to blow it up? I'm sorry, no way." Monty shuts them down.

The little brunette slave girl passes behind us, leaving a brown rag in her wake. I catch it under the sole of my boot, drawing it closer, and snatching it up before any of the guards can see. "They're moving them tomorrow, it's now or never." The message is clear.

"I know what it's like to be locked up and afraid." Harper turns to Monty. "You didn't leave us in Mount Weather, we shouldn't leave them here."

"Can we build another machine?" I ask.

"No, there's not enough time." Kyle shakes his head.

"We have six months, we have you _and_ Raven," I stress. "Are you telling me we can't make another?"

"Yes." He replies, mouth set in a firm line. "We're talking about the human race Bellamy. The science of it all."

"It's your call Bell." Jessa reminds me.

"I'll stay here with Clarke." I nod, "Jess, take Miller, get into the city, tell the guards you need to speak with the King or Queen. It shouldn't matter which, they'll remember you from the wedding, you shouldn't have a problem. Wick, Monty, Harper and Bryan, find a way to signal Arkadia that we need help just in case."

"How are you going to convince them to let you stay here?" Jessa catches my arm, her brown eyes wide and pleading.

"I'm gonna do something worthy of becoming a prisoner." Stupid, I know this is stupid, but I'm running out of options.

"They could kill you." Miller speaks up.

"That's one way it could go," I shrug in acceptance. "Let's hope they're feeling merciful. No matter what, you get the hydro-genderator to the rover. We're not leaving without it."

"Bellamy, please be careful." Jessa whispers, her eyes searching mine for something I hope she finds there.

"I love you." I press my lips to her forehead, gentle fingers tangling in my hair to hold me there a second longer.

"I love you too." Don't cry Jess.

"You've got this."

(Octavia's POV)

I take the steel kettle away from the fire. The heat of it radiates through the material around the handle and warms my palm. I pour the water into the mug I've set off to the side, then reaching into my back pocket, I withdraw the packet of herbs. Sprinkling the contents into the steaming cup.

"I'm so sorry...I just- I have people who need me. People who depend on me to take care of things, and I can't do that, if I don't do this." I hold the mug against my forehead with shaking fingers, gripping the porcelain until it nearly shatters. "If you can hear me, I want you to know this wasn't your fault. I'm doing this because I love you, now just isn't a really good time. The world is ending and I don't want you to see that, because...you deserve so much more than I'm able to give you. My mother hid me under the floor for sixteen years because she wasn't allowed to have me. I never want that for you and I hope that you can understand, I'm only doing the best I can." I compose myself, wiping the heavy stream of tears from my cheeks with my sleeve. "May we meet again." I raise the cup to my lips, to take that first sip. Then I pull it away, tossing the contents of the cup onto the ground at my feet...because I can't do it. This is all I have left, this tiny life growing inside me. The last piece of Lincoln in this world, and no one is going to take that away from me.

"Are you decent?" A voice calls, from behind the flap of my tent.

"Look, if this is about Rafel, I told you he won't be a problem." I roll my eyes, "He won't challenge Roan."

"I'm not here about the ambassador." Indra goes on, I step out into the night air.

"Then why are you here?" I cock my head to the side.

"The Queen just arrived here in Polis." Her fingers toy with the hilt of her sword, still secured against her armor.

"I thought the plan was for her to stay in Ice Nation," I clear my throat, "cover all of our bases."

"It appears plans have changed, I'm going to figure out why. Stay alert, question everything. We must be vigilant. And Octavia?" Her voice takes on a softer tone, barely audible to the untrained ear.

"Yes?" I hold my breath.

"Did you drink it?" Her gaze cast ahead of us out into the streets.

"No." I admit.

"Will you?" Indra presses.

"No."

She nods, "good." The way her eyes soften makes me wonder if there had once been a child of her own.

(Wick's POV)

"Change of plans." I announce, squinting into the horizon.

"What now?" Monty sighs, turning away from his watch on the treeline behind us. Not that it will really help anything. Those freaks kept our guns, all we have are knives, and if we take them on with only those...in ten out of ten situations, we die.

"They've got Clarke and Bellamy," I pause, taking a better look, "they're moving them."

"What do we do?" Bryan paces back and forth, as if my nerves aren't already on shot. "Miller and Jessa haven't gotten back yet."

"We don't have time to wait. We have no idea what they'll do to them. Monty, we have to do something." Harper turns to him, resting her gloved hand on his forearm.

"Start gathering branches and leaves, the bigger the better." I say finally, deciding on our best viable option.

"Why?" Bryan asks.

"We need to build a fire tall enough to be seen past the tree line." I explain, wishing Raven was the one here with me. She'd just know what I was thinking, probably even come up with something better. "Tall enough that the people back home will see the smoke. That's our signal to Arkadia."

"You expect them to know that just because something is burning that farm station wasn't empty. Or that Clarke and Bellamy are being held hostage by people who took our guns? I'm sure they'll get the intended message with a couple smoke signals." He scoffs.

"I don't see you coming up with anything better. Besides, that's not the intended message." When Raven first got to Earth she and the hundred sent rockets up into the sky. So that we could see them in space, and anyone paying attention would know that they were alive. If she sees this she'll understand...she has to.

"Then what is?" Harper interjects.

"Save our souls." It takes everything in me not to scream. "This S.O.S. is all we have, like it or not, start gathering sticks." Raven, I hope you're paying attention baby.

(Clarke's POV)

"Right there, on the tree." Cleo intrusts, coolly. "Tie him up."

"Please, no. You don't have to do this." I shift restlessly against guard that holds me, both hands secured behind my back. The rope chafes across my skin uncomfortably.

"He attempted to steal from us," she snears, cutting up the back of his shirt in a clean line, so it hangs freely about his shoulders. "Free our workers when they did not belong to him." She goes on, running her fingertips over the cruel leather of the whip before handing it off to one of her guards. "He will receive the appropriate punishment."

"What about me?" I protest, fighting in earnest now against my captor's hold. "I'm the reason you're doing all this, right? So that you could get me, here I am. You don't have to do this. You have what you want, let him go."

"This is only the beginning." She smiles, making my stomach roll at the familiarity of such a grin. Like I had seen it before on another face. "I will take all that you love, the streets will rain with the blood of your people; with the blood of your wife. When death finally comes for you...you'll be begging for it."

 _'Someone will die here today.'_

The voice invades my senses, from inside my own skull. Cornering me, the Commander of death.

 _'We cannot stop that, we cannot change it, for it is not our fault. All we can do is decide who dies, will it be Bellamy? Or will it be your enemy? The man who lashes the whip and breaks his skin, the woman who took your weapons and led you to your captor? The woman who holds you against your will, the woman who threatens the life of your most beloved possession. The woman who threatens Lexa.'_

No, go away. There has to be another way, I can't let the spirit guide me. I cannot let it take control again. The more I allow the spirit access, the harder it wil be to cast it out again. I can see the fire burning bright, sending smoke high into the air. A signal for help, I should wait. We can hang on, Bellamy can hang on.

 _'You will lose Clarke, no one will arrive fast enough. By the time reinforcements come they will have moved you somewhere you won't be found and your friend will be dead. They will beat him to death, you know they will.'_

Bellamy cries out as the whip flashes over his back once more. I can't help you, I'm sorry. I should have come alone, I should have made sure it was empty. I can't save you.

' _But I can, let me save him.'_

I don't have a choice. I break loose, I take the sword, I kill them all.

(Unknown POV)

"Your mother has parished." Bastion informs me, his face devoid of emotion. We both knew this day would come. It changes nothing.

"For great power, there must be great sacrifice." I stare out into the horizon. "And what of Wanheda?"

"She has given in to the spirit again, sir." He confirms that the plan was successful.

"Good," I nod tightly, "we need the spirit in full control before I strike her down."

"There is part of the spirit that resides within the Commander, within her flame." He reminds me, as if I could forget.

"Clarke is going to take care of that for me," I say, with a settling sense of finality, "as her finishing act."

"You truly believe she will harm the Commander?" Bastion knows better than to question me, unfortunately it's not an unprecedented concern.

"In time." I allow the indiscretion to slide. "Were you able to get the machine?"

"Yes, sir. Awaiting your command."

"Destroy it." I order, "all she has worked so hard to obtain, gone in the flash of an eye. Take her hope away, whittle her down."


End file.
